October 14, 2016
Dear Everyone:
Listen! Do you hear that
sound? What is it?
Is it the thundering reverberations of someone’s head pounding against
the wall? The gnashing of
teeth? The howling of
anguish?
Is it Donny the Trumpet unleashing a diarrhea of
Tweets?
Is it Paul Ryan desperately trying to drag the
Republican Party away
from
The Precipice?
Is it Hilarious Hillary sweeping “something” under the rug yet again?
Is it Vladimir Putin, seeing his attempts to
undermine the United States
election process going down the toilet?
No, it’s Julian Assange.
Who is Julian Assange? He’s
the owner of a Website that he calls “WikiLeaks.com”.
He uses it to “leak” information, most of it from “contributors”
who hack government, or vaguely quasi-government, or just plain
corporate, organizations for something juicy enough to titillate the
populace.
Never mind that Assange traffics exclusively in what can only be called
stolen property, a fact that would get him arrested in any city in the
United States. He argues
that it’s not “stolen”, it’s hacked.
So what is “hacked”?
According to one online dictionary, it is defined as follows: “to circumvent
security
and break
into (a
network,
computer, file,
etc.),
usually with
malicious
intent”.
And Julian had
the absolute bestest “hack” to “leak”, just in time for the
United
States Presidential election.
He had the perfect “October Surprise” all ready to go.
He was going to “leak” alleged excerpts of the Clinton campaign’s
emails a short month before the 2016 Presidential Election.
The emails were allegedly
hacked and “leaked” to Assange by the Russian government, but who cares
about that? They were oh so
juicy!
And then,
Woopsie-Daisy!!! Hello,
“Tape-Gate”.
What’s that? For those of
you just returning from Intergalactic travel, Donny the Trumpet has not
always been a “non-politician”.
Before that he was a “TV star” and, as such, was taping a spot
for something called
Access
Hollywood back in 2005.
While sitting on a bus in a parking lot, Donny had a rambling
conversation with the show’s host,
Billy Bush, in which they said a
large number of unflattering things about women in general, while both
were wearing live microphones.
The entire sequence was recorded.
Flash-forward
eleven years. Donny the
Trumpet is now running for President.
Someone suddenly “remembered” that audio tape and located it in
the archives. (Records Management
to the Rescue! Again!)
Before anyone could say “Jiminy Cricket!” the tape was being
broadcast 24/7, with subtitles just in case anyone couldn’t clearly
understand the disgusting things Donny was saying.
Depending on the broadcaster, sometimes the scuzzier parts were
****ed out. Sometimes not.
So what did Donny do about it?
With all the finesse of a petulant five-year-old, he denied
everything and tried to “pivot” the discussion to “more important
matters”, specifically “Bill Clinton did far worse and Hillary picked on
all those poor women!”
Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.
Did I hear that right?
Donny the Trumpet, who calls his opponent “Crooked Hillary”, and
called previous opponents things like “Lyin’ Ted” is now claiming that
Clinton called someone a bad name?
Did he actually say (in effect): “If you want to elect a
‘Vilifier-in-Chief’, she’s actually
better at it than I am”?
So what, exactly, did Donny say that was so bad?
According to him it was “just locker-room banter”.
Because “guys” in locker rooms always talk about committing
sexual battery like it’s nothing at all.
Later, in full view of an international audience, when asked
directly for the third time during a
Presidential debate, Donny said,
almost as an aside, “No, I did not” actually do any of the things he
claimed to have done while chatting with Billy Bush on that bus.
Oh, so he didn’t actually DO any of those things, he was just, you know,
LYING about it to impress his host, Billy Bush.
The cousin who makes
George W. Bush, the Shrub in the White
House, look like a
sequoia.
He was lying to impress that snickering little schoolboy.
Whatever.
Up until now, Donny has been called “the
Teflon Don” because all the
stupid things he says don’t stick.
They just slide off his back and he goes on and on and on…
But now people are coming out of the woodwork to exclaim, “Oh,
yes he did! To me!”
And now it’s all sticking to him like, well, what would they call
it in the “locker room”?
In any case, Donny is showing all the moral integrity of walking crud.
Which he’s been doing all along, but now real voters are starting
to pay attention. Add to
that, he has the judgement of a skungewart.
No wonder Assange is pitching a hissy fit.
And as for those “juicy” emails from the Clinton campaign?
Really nothing more than campaign-business-as-usual.
Meanwhile, back in the Real World, go
Cubs!
Love, as always,
Pete
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