September 30, 2016
Dear Everyone:
I had lunch this week with some former co-workers.
We get together about once a quarter to talk, reminisce, and
congratulate ourselves that we “don’t have to deal with
that anymore.”
That, of course, can mean
many, many things.
Obnoxious co-workers (present company excluded, of course.)
Obnoxious bosses, naturally.
Commuting, pretty much.
Suffering through yet-another-downsizing, or whatever they’re calling it
this time.
When I was there, it had many names:
Restructure. Resource
Optimization Management (ROM, as in “I got rommed”.)
Special Temporary
Retirement Enhancement Program (STREP).
STREP was always my favorite, and not just because of the catchy
acronym. Under the program,
an employee could volunteer to be “involuntarily terminated”.
The reason it was called “involuntary” was a gimmick to make
people eligible for
unemployment insurance.
They hadn’t “quit”; they were “terminated due to lack of work”.
The incentive to volunteer to be “involuntarily terminated” was up to
two years’ worth of salary.
That’s right, get two-years-pay just for raising your hand.
It was so popular that they swore they’d never do it again.
Too many of the “wrong” people opted to stay while too many of
the “right” people grabbed the money and ran as fast as they could.
Another thing we no longer have to deal with is the annual “Volunteer
Week”.
This has also gone through various name changes.
It used to be called “Week of Caring”.
Whatever the name, it was tied in with the company’s campaign to
get people to donate money to the
United Way each year.
Not only were employees pressured into donating a portion of each
paycheck to
charity, they were also “encouraged” to volunteer for some
local “worthy organization”, complete with “free” T-Shirts and, usually,
someone with a camera to record their efforts for posterity.
Workgroups even competed with each other to get the flashiest
assignments in the
Bay Area.
One year my whole group went to a local home for children of people who
were in financial, or emotional, straits (Daddy lost his job; grandma
just died and Mommy can’t cope right now) where we happily “refurbished”
outdoor play equipment. We
sanded, and repainted the wooden climbing wall and “fort” that children
could clamber around on.
Only at the end did we realize that no one had thought to stir the paint
beforehand. Oh well.
I later discovered that the people who run many of these worthy
organizations live in dread of “Volunteer Week” because the “volunteers”
generally just get in the way and everything they do has to be redone by
someone who actually knows what they’re doing in the first place.
Like those “Habitat for Humanity” sites where celebrities pound
nails into anything that doesn’t move; and later someone else pulls out
all the nails and puts it together properly.
Another year our youngest member signed us all up to serve lunch at one
of many, many kitchens that cater to people who can’t buy food for
themselves. One of my
co-workers kept yelling, “Happy Friday!” to everyone who came in through
the door. Evidently it never
occurred to her that people who are spending all their free time looking
for work don’t really celebrate the weekend the way fully-employed
people tend to do.
I’m reminded of all this every September when I stop by the
Credit
Union, which is located in the offices where I once worked.
I see the big sign posted on the lawn, proclaiming “Week of
Caring” or “Volunteer Week” and think, “I’m so glad I don’t have to deal
with that anymore!
And, for the record, the $480 per year ($24/paycheck) that used to go to
the United Way is still in my annual budget for charitable donations.
It just goes to some other worthy organization, which I get to
choose. And the company
still matches my donations, provided they meet with its approval.
One of the perks of hanging on to my job as long as I did, before
"I got rommed".
Love, as always,
Pete
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