July 5, 2013
Dear Everyone:
My first full week on the job turned out to be less than a week after
all.
You may recall that last week, I wasn’t able to do much because I
couldn’t get onto the computer.
This was because it takes time to issue a “CAI” (Company Access
Identifier). This is a
four-letter combination that is unique to each individual.
Originally (we’re talking the early 1980s here) a CAI was the employee’s
first initial, middle initial and first two letters of the last name.
So “A” P. Wood resulted in “apwo”.
Almost immediately, I noticed a problem with this logic.
We had two people in the department who were both “R. R.
Stephens”. What then?
Well, they told me, the first one goes in as “rrst”.
When the second one goes in, the computer sees that the
combination is already in use and moves to the third letter in the last
name. So the second “R. R.
Stephens” would become “rrse”, unless that combination was already
taken, in which case it moved to the fourth letter and so on.
There was a whole logarithm specially written to come up with the
“best” four-letter combination.
Needless to say, certain four-letter combinations were disallowed.
So if your name was “Felix Unger Ckecoslovakian”, or even
“Patricia Howell Ukraine”, you wouldn’t get the first, middle,
first-two-last-name combination.
Other companies used different approaches.
A popular one was the first and middle initial plus the first
five letters of the last name, also known as a “five-by-two”.
Unless you were the second, or twenty-second “A. B. Smith” or “C.
D. Jones” to enter the company.
Why not just use a person’s name (“R. R. Stephens” notwithstanding) or
Social Security Number?
Because back in the “Good Old Days” a computer file was limited to 80
characters and programmers didn’t want to “waste” too much space on a
large “name” for each employee.
And, even before all the shrill cries about “personal data”,
using a Social was frowned upon.
So when I started work last week, we had to wait for a CAI to be issued.
There was some talk about “restoring” my original CAI, but
apparently, that had its own issues.
Once a CAI was issued, we should be able to order a computer for
me to work with and request a “Smart Badge”.
Until the Smart Badge was in place, I could make do with a
Visitor Badge (to get into the building) and something called a T-Card
(to get into a loaner computer.)
A T-Card is a “temporary access card”.
Its primary purpose is to let someone who forgot or lost their
Smart Badge use a company computer on a temporary basis.
But you can’t get a T-Card without a CAI.
And even when I did get a CAI, they still couldn’t give me a T-Card.
In fact, the new computer showed up on Wednesday, but I couldn’t
use it because I couldn’t get a T-Card.
Finally, the Administrative Assistant, “Amy”, contacted someone
to ask why no T-Card or Smart Badge.
Turns out, she didn’t include one tiny piece of information on the
Request Form. As far as I
can make out, the Form doesn’t even mention this tiny piece of
information. But, without
it, the people who issue Smart Badges, and authorize T-Cards, can’t do
anything and were happily sitting on the request.
“Amy” found out about this Wednesday morning.
The email, which she forwarded to “Buster”, the Project Leader
that I’m working for, stated that, with luck, they might be able to
issue a Smart Badge, and authorize a T-Card, by next Monday.
At this point, “Buster” suggested that, since Thursday was a
Holiday, and he personally didn’t intend to come into the office on
Friday, I take the rest of the week off.
I was only too happy to oblige.
So it looks like I’ll really,
really be ready to start work
next week, just in time to take two more days off.
Back before all this happened, I had agreed to, once again, serve as the
vice-president of the Mt. Diablo Chapter of
ARMA.
(Association of Records Managers and Administrators, but you
already knew that, didn’t you?)
Next weekend, starting on Thursday, is the annual Regional
Leadership Conference in
Long Beach.
So I won’t be in the office late next week.
In the meantime, “Jeannie” has a Helpful Household Hint:
During these warm summer evenings, you might be tempted to leave the
patio door open, to let the cats come and go as they please.
But it’s very important to make sure you close that door before
going to bed. Otherwise, you
might, like “Jeannie” did, find you have a severe case of P.I.K.
Possums in Kitchen.
When she came into the kitchen the next morning, the startled possums
proceeded to waddle away out the patio door as quickly as they possibly
could.
The cats weren’t too happy, either.
Love, as always,
Pete
Programming Note: Because of
the aforementioned trip to Long Beach, there will be no Letter next
week.
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