December 23, 1999
Dear Everyone:
All last week, I was too busy with training,
working late, shopping, wrapping, shipping, etc., to do anything with
the Christmas Tree
that “Jeannie” and I had cut down the Sunday before.
All I did all week was dutifully fill the tree stand with water
every morning and evening.
At first, it took two full watering cans’ worth of water to fill the
stand well. Then it only
took about 1-½ cans’ worth.
Last Saturday, “Jeannie” and I had our hair cut,
then decided to have lunch at Broadway Plaza in
Walnut
Creek. When we got
there, we realized that this was a mistake.
Really, what idiot goes to a shopping mall in downtown Walnut
Creek the weekend before Christmas?
We tried to park at a place we know about (a well-known secret
for parking in Walnut Creek), but what hadn’t been taken over by some
Christian volunteer group was all filled up.
People were double-parking in all sorts of crazy places.
By this time, we had become separated; so I
figured, once I found a place to park, I would go to the restaurant we
had planned to use, in the hopes that “Jeannie” would show up
eventually. And, in fact,
she did show up shortly before I got to the head of the line.
So we did manage to have lunch together after all.
And the Plaza was strangely uninhabited for such a
busy shopping day. Then we
realized that everyone was endlessly circling the block, hunting for a
parking space.
Then I decided that it was time to go home and
decorate the Christmas Tree which had been standing so patiently in
front of the living room window all week.
First I made sure it had plenty of water, then I carefully moved
it away from the window so I could get around it.
I put three strings of lights up, cut the top back a little so
the Angel wouldn’t smack her head against the ceiling (I still don’t
understand how it got to be so tall during the drive home from the tree
farm), and started adding a few ornaments.
It was around this time that I realized that I
wasn’t seeing any water in the stand well.
I put my hand down in the well to feel for water…
and all the water was gone.
The stand was leaking.
I rushed to get a big plastic garbage bag and managed to coax it
under the stand, then added some more water to the well.
Sure enough, in a few minutes, water started
showing up on the plastic bag.
The tree stand, which I had bought a few days after Christmas a
couple of years ago for $3.99, turned out to be worth just what I had
paid for it.
By this time, I had moved the tree, plastic bag and
all, into the middle of the room so I could get to the carpet in front
of the window. Wet carpet.
Very wet carpet. For
a while, I was afraid I had been pouring two quarts of water into the
floor every morning and evening for a week.
Then I remembered that the stand still had water in it when I
filled it earlier. What
probably happened was the stand sprang a leak when I moved it away from
the window.
Towels helped to soak up the water in the carpet,
so that was more or less taken care of.
Now what to do about the
Titanic of all
tree stands? I tried one of
those hardware warehouses, thinking they might have a saucer for a
really big planter; but it
turned out the biggest one they had was exactly the same diameter as the
stand.
So then I decided I would have to find another tree
stand, all the while wondering how I was going to wrestle a
half-decorated tree out of one stand and into another all by myself.
(I had tried calling “Jeannie”, but she was out.)
I went to the big drug store across the street.
They didn’t have any tree stands, so I figured, “OK, next stop
Target.”
But, as I was leaving the store, I saw a big, green
plastic tray, with a ¾” lip, leaning against the wall.
It was easily big enough to hold the stand (which is 20” in
diameter) and protect the floor.
And it was just leaning there, like
Harvey, the
six-foot rabbit (“Good evening, Mr. Dobbs.”).
The only catch was there was no price marked anywhere on or near
it.
I took it to the cash register and the clerk called
the assistant manager over to determine the price.
He took one look at it and asked, “What is it?”
“I don’t know what it’s for,” I said, “but it’s
exactly what I need.”
“How’s $4.99?”
“Perfect.”
I took it home and wrestled the tree, stand and
all, onto the tray, only smacking the poor Angel’s head against the
ceiling a couple of times.
Now the tree is fully decorated, with its own floor shield, and I just
can’t water it anymore. But
it’s still quite fresh and only needs to last through the weekend.
I do like getting the annual Christmas Catastrophe
out of the way early.
Everyone have a Merry Christmas and a safe and
Happy New Year. I’ll see you
in the next Millennium.
Love, as always,
Pete
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