March 7, 1991
Dear Everyone:
President Bush gave a speech before Congress last
night. I didn’t get to see
it, as I was working late; but I gathered from CNN’s Daybreak this
morning that it included the usual Congressional Aerobics:
Stand-applaud-sit, stand-applaud-sit, stand-applaud-sit, rest.
Of course, there’s also the Low-Impact Congressional Aerobics:
Remain seated and applaud listlessly when the camera is pointed
in your direction.
Evidently, the President announced that the War in
the Middle East is over. Who
does he think he’s kidding?
There’s been a war going on in that part of the
world since the beginning of recorded history.
3,000 years ago, Thutmose III of Egypt used to march off to
Babylon (the modern word for Babylon is spelled I-R-A-Q) to conquer the
Hittites every year for 20 years.
Farming practices in ancient Israel went something
like this: “Well, the great
Pharaoh of Egypt came marching through here with his army last week on
his way to conquer the Hittites (again), so I guess it must be spring.
Seeing as how they tore up the ground real good for us, what do
you say we plant some crops now?”
And a few months later:
“Well, the days are getting noticeably shorter and the crops are
pretty much ready. I guess
that means the great Pharaoh of Egypt’s army will be coming through here
on their way back from conquering the Hittites (again).
So what do you say we harvest the crop and hide it before they
get here and eat us out of house and home (again)?”
The variation on this, of course, was when the
Hittites marched down from the north to conquer Egypt (again).
The only things that change are the technology (the Hittites
really took the Egyptians by surprise with those chariots) and the
uniforms (not many generals wearing feathers this time).
Shopping vs. shopping
The difference between Shopping and shopping is
very simple: It’s the
difference between “Jeannie” and me.
“Jeannie” does Shopping; I go shopping.
An Example:
A couple of weeks ago, “Jeannie” went Shopping and took me with
her. (Technically, I drove,
but she was the one doing the Shopping.)
There is a TJ Maxx in Dublin and they were receiving a shipment
from Saks Fifth Avenue. (TJ
Maxx is a discount chain. If
you don’t know that much, you have no business Shopping with “Jeannie”.)
There is also a TJ Maxx less than a mile from where I live, but
evidently, they don’t have an “in” with Saks Fifth Avenue.
So we drove to Dublin and “Jeannie” Shopped.
Shopping means going into a store with little or no
idea of what you are Shopping for.
There are bargains to be had, that’s the point.
Stuff that people paid full price for at Saks can be bought for a
fraction here. Bear in mind
that it’s practically against “Jeannie’s” religion to pay full price for
anything. Saving money is
the name of the game.
Now, when I go shopping, I know
exactly what I want,
exactly where it is and
pretty much what it will
cost. I’m not looking for a
bargain (not that I’m adverse to cutting costs whenever possible, as
witness going to Costco); I’m looking for a lamp, or a purse, or new
pillows. Something
specific.
“Jeannie” goes in looking for
anything.
That’s the difference between Shopping and
shopping.
Put another way:
“Jeannie” spent over an hour in TJ Maxx, trying on dresses,
suits, hats, and looking at belts, purses, scarves.
In the end, she bought exactly four hats at a total cost of $20.
In contrast, last week we met at the entrance to
Penney’s at the Shopping Mall.
Since I was going to get there about 15 minutes before “Jeannie”,
I went into Penney’s to buy some “day wear” (that’s what they call
undies these days). I knew
exactly what I wanted, what size to get and where it was in the store.
In less than a quarter of an hour, I’d spent $86.40.
She spent $0.33 per minute where I spent $5.76 per
minute. I’m sure there’s a
moral in all this, but I have no idea what it is.
All I know is:
“Jeannie” says I’m no fun to Shop with.
Love, as always,
Pete
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