August 7, 2015
Dear Everyone:
One of the (many) nice things about being unemployed (i.e., retired) is
that it gave me the opportunity to observe yesterday’s
Republican Cattle
Call in its entirety. The
Fox News Channel had announced its intention of hosting a “candidate
debate” for all the Republicans who might be interested.
However, when 17 people gave evidence of their willingness to
“audition”, Fox had to “cull the herd” a bit.
Based on some esoteric sampling of an unknown quantity of equally
unknown individuals, Fox divided the groups into the “Top Ten” and the
“Runners Up”. The latter
also quickly became known as the “Second Tier”, the “Happy Hour”, given
its time slot on the
East Coast, and finally, the “Early Edition”.
The Early Edition, which could also be called the Teaser, or the Opening
Act, started at 2:00 PM here on the
Best Coast and lasted a bit over an
hour. The Real Debate began
promptly at 5:50, or ten minutes before 9:00 if you happen to live in
Ohio.
Ten candidates marched onto the stage, with The Dancing Bear smack in
the middle. The Dancing
Bear, also known as
Donald Trump, or simply, “The Trumpet”, was included
because it guaranteed good ratings as many people tuned in just to see
the Bear Dance.
The Trumpet started out by
adroitly shooting himself in the foot, then
took the bleeding appendage and shoved it firmly into his mouth by
making a thinly-veiled threat against the moderator (a woman) for having
the temerity to ask him a question he didn’t like.
Remember w-a-y b-a-c-k in 2012 when
Mitt Romney was chastised by a
CNN
moderator for not actually answering a question?
The Twit’s response:
“You can ask whatever question you want, this is the answer I’m giving
you.”
As for the Trumpet, he quickly proved that he is a
Republican For Now
(RFN), unless he doesn’t “win” the nomination, in which case he’ll
change the rules and run as an
Independent, thus insulting all
legitimate Independents. As
for insulting women (the second question), he’s an Equal Opportunity
Offender. Seriously.
Just TRY to find an ethnic group, or any group of more than
three, that he hasn’t insulted at least once.
See, he’s so busy being Rich that he doesn’t have time to be
“politically correct”. Much
less polite.
Basically, the Trumpet sucks all the oxygen out of the room while
simultaneously blowing smoke in all directions at once.
“…full of sound and fury, signifying nothing…”
My theory: He might be part
Pomeranian*. Just look at
his hair.
As for the rest of the “contestants”:
Ben Carson proved he can actually
think. That would be
nice to have in the Oval Office.
Marco Rubio keeps insisting that he’s the future, neatly squaring off
against
Hillary Clinton’s “old age”.
Ted Cruz, the Canadian-born Texan, continues to appear to be channeling
Joe McCarthy.
Chris Christie and
Rand Paul duked it out over
government surveillance
versus privacy rights.
Since when is Planned Parenthood running for President?
And
Carly Fiorina waltzed away from the Early Edition with the whole
thing in the palm of her hand.
Love, as always,
Pete
*Pomeranian – A breed of small dog, popularized by
Queen Victoria, and
known for their fierce temperament when faced with a perceived threat.
They bark (yip!) at everything and may frequently bite anything
that doesn’t bite them first.
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