December 27, 2013
Dear Everyone:
2013, the Year of the Great Shipping Snafu.
(Snafu: Supposedly
originating in the US Navy, it stands for “Situation Normal, All F*cked
up”.)
It used to be, if you got your Christmas presents all bought, made,
whatever; wrapped, packaged and shipped by a week before Christmas, you
were doing pretty good. Not
this year.
This year, apparently so many people opted to make their purchases
online, said purchases needing to be delivered via one of the
shipping
companies, that said shipping companies found themselves overwhelmed by
the sheer volume of stuff flitting from one end of the Earth to the
other. And you thought
Santa
had a big job.
Which is why “Frankie’s” package to those of us in
California didn’t
arrive until this afternoon.
And my package to “Frankie” is still floating around in the ether
somewhere.
Many apologies from the shipping companies, which didn’t get the
packages to their destinations any sooner.
Note to self: If you want
your packages to arrive in time for Christmas, start shipping in
September.
In the meantime…
Many, many years ago, while wandering around in
San Francisco, “Jeannie”
and I happened to make our way into a
souvenir shop.
There we found a particularly delightful souvenir, a ceramic
remembrance of “San Francisco”, which consisted of a representation of
the Transamerica Pyramid Building, flanked by a
cable car running up a
hill. It was not exactly to
scale; in fact, the cable car was larger than the entire Pyramid.
As if to add insult to injury, someone had glued a small
thermometer to
the front of the little building, thus making the whole thing
“practical”. In all, it was
about four inches by five.
We promptly bought one, took it home, wrapped it for Christmas and
placed it under the tree with a tag reading, “To Mother; From ‘Richard’
and ‘Marshall’”, both of whom (understandably) denied any and all
knowledge of the little atrocity.
Mother promptly designated it a “Circulating Stocking Stuffer” and
decreed that it would be passed from one family member to the next, not
unlike the Infamous Holiday
Fruitcake.
And for decades it has made its way through the family.
Last year “Marshall” passed it along to me.
It has stood in a place of honor on the mantelpiece all year.
In fact, it was still sitting there last week when I happened to notice
it and suddenly realized that it was my responsibility to move it along
to the next lucky person.
But it was much too late to try and ship it to anyone out of town.
That left “Marshall” and “Jeannie” this year.
“Marshall” was out of the question, of course.
Once “tagged” you can’t get it again until someone else has had
it in their possession. (Who
made up these rules?)
So, “Jeannie”. I needed a
way to “deliver” it without her realizing immediately what it was.
I thought I might find some medium-sized stuffed toy that I could
put the Circulating Stocking Stuffer into its lap, or tie it around its
neck, or something. So I
went to the Big National Pharmacy Chain Store, looking for a teddy bear,
or puppy, or something.
Instead, I found a “Love Bug” manufactured for the Hallmark Greeting
Cards People. I remember
seeing one of these in a commercial on TV.
About twice the size of your fist, shaped vaguely like a
Lady
Bug, it had a zippered compartment in its back.
Some Happy Mother would fill the compartment with candy, stick a
note between two of the feet (reading “I Love You!!!”) and slip the
whole thing into her Child’s backpack, or lunchbox, to be found by the
ever-so-grateful Child during school.
More importantly, I was pretty sure the Circulating Stocking Stuffer
would fit inside that zippered pouch.
So I bought one, wrapped the Circulating Stocking Stuffer in
tissue paper, shoehorned it into the zippered pouch and put the whole
thing in a gift bag.
On Christmas morning, “Jeannie” immediately spotted the antennae peeping
out from the gift bag and pulled it out.
Never mind the Circulating Stocking Stuffer.
She was completely entranced by the Lady Bug.
In fact, she and “Marshall” decided that it would make a perfect case
for a cell phone. You could
hold the Bug to your ear while talking on the phone.
They liked it so much that, the day after Christmas, I went out
and bought two more, one for each of them.
(“Jeannie” wants to make a gift of one of them to someone else.)
It just goes to show you never know what will catch people’s attention.
If you see someone holding a Lady Bug to their ear, saying,
“Hello? Hello?” you’ll know
it started here.
Everyone have a Safe and
Happy New Year.
Love, as always,
Pete
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