September 6, 2013
Dear Everyone:
First, and foremost, the wedding reception in
Charlotte was a rousing
success. The bride was
lovely; the groom was handsome, and very tall.
Every time he went to hug one of his (many!) new in-laws he
folded up like a paper clip.
But that’s OK, he’s young and flexible.
In other news…
If you are connected to the “family grapevine”, also known as “Jeannie”,
The Empress of Information,
you know that I left my contracting job at Company earlier this week.
To be honest, I didn’t really want to take the job in the first
place. But they played on my
weakness of wanting to help people.
The manager, “Damian”, sought me out particularly and told me that he
needed my experience and expertise.
The Training Team Lead, “Buster”, made it very clear from the
beginning that he didn’t agree with “Damian”.
I realized this when he gave me an “elephant’s toes” assignment.
Every now and then you get a “Team Leader” (read “manager” or
“supervisor”) who gives you the assignment to “clean the elephant’s
toes.”
Now, no one wants to clean the elephant’s toes.
Frankly, it’s gross.
Elephants walk everywhere and all kinds of things can find their way in
between the elephant’s toes.
Nevertheless, someone has to clean there.
There’s just one problem: We
don’t have any elephants at the moment.
Of course, there’s (almost) always the “invisible
elephant in the room”.
This is the subject that everyone is aware of, but no one wants
to address, thus “avoiding conflict”.
Whole novels and movies have been built on the premise of “the
elephant in the room”.
King Henry II of England complained loudly about “the elephant”, then
pretended to be horrified when someone actually took care of the problem
(that would be the murder of
Saint Thomas Becket.)
I once worked with a person who made a habit of drawing a stylized
pachyderm on the white board in the conference room whenever the whole
group discussed one problem or another, resolutely ignoring the
“elephant in the room”. Some
years later, this person made a very significant achievement for
herself. I found a suitable
“congratulations!” card.
It showed a small cartoon-like creature struggling to get an (equally
cartoon-like) elephant up the hill.
The little creature pulled, pushed, dragged, etc.
Finally succeeded in reaching the top of the hill.
“Congratulations!” the card crowed.
“And best wishes for future success!” as the little creature
headed back down the hill…to a large herd of elephants, all waiting for
their turn up the hill.
So what happens when you get the assignment to “clean the elephant’s
toes”?
You’re up the proverbial creek, that’s what.
You can’t clean the elephant’s toes when there is no elephant.
So you sit there, with nothing to do.
And later, the “Team Leader” can complain that you didn’t “follow
through” on the assignment.
The fact that you couldn’t physically do the job, because the job isn’t
there to do, is immaterial.
You didn’t complete the assignment.
Period.
I can’t decide if “Buster” was deliberately sabotaging me or just plain
incompetent. Either way,
“Buster” was wasting time and money.
Specifically, my time and the company’s money.
They were paying me $45 per hour to play
computer games on the
Internet.
Needless to say, that wasn’t the only problem, of course.
One team member, a young woman, reminded me of a character from the
play/film
Steel Magnolias.
In the film “Ouiser” is played by
Shirley MacLaine who explains
to another character that “Ouiser” isn’t crazy, she’s just been in a
really bad mood for the past 40 years.
Well, this person seems to be “Ouiser” in her younger years.
She’s very angry and hasn’t yet figured out (if she ever does)
that taking her foul temper out on her co-workers can be a potentially
career-limiting trajectory.
Now, I know what you’re thinking:
Every office has someone like that.
Just look at the office sitcoms on TV.
You just have to live with it.
Except I realized that I
didn’t have to live with it.
(It’s not my job to fix this!)
I could live very well without it, thank you.
“Buster” and “Ouiser” know exactly what they’re doing and are doing it
as fast as they possibly can.
They just don’t realize (yet) that what they’re doing is digging
a really big hole. In one
meeting, while describing the
Computer-Based Training (CBT) that they
wanted to create, “Ouiser” announced, “We don’t know what it looks like,
but we’re going to do it anyway.”
In other words, damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead.
The only wise thing to do is get out of the way as quickly as
possible. So I did.
And now I’m happily back in
retirement-land, completing a crocheted
sweater (and “Jeannie’s” “blankie”) in plenty of time for winter.
It’s so nice to be relaxed.
Love, as always,
Pete
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