April 25, 2001
Dear Everyone:
So here’s why this week’s Letter almost didn’t go out this week:
Monday evening, I spent nearly an hour signing up at eBay, the online “auction” site. There was an item that I was interested in and, for heaven’s sake, it’s time I got into the whole eBay thing. For more about eBay, consult the family expert, “Jeannie”. Ask her how much time she spends on eBay per week. Ask her how many times she’s been up at midnight, “chatting” with strangers about antique linens.
Anyway, Monday night, the phone line was fine because I was using it all evening. During the day, at work yesterday, I would sneak a look at eBay to check out the item in which I was interested. The deadline for making a bid was 19:07 Tuesday night. (For the civilians in the group, that’s 7:07 p.m. And for the Marines in the group, Mickey’s big hand is near the one and his little hand is on the seven.)
I was certainly willing to bid over the current bid of $5.50. However, there was a “reserve bid” in place. This means the seller has placed a lower limit on the item’s price. If, for instance, the “reserve bid” is $100, any bid below that amount is not considered binding. The catch is that the buyer has no way of knowing how much the “reserve bid” is set at. That way the buyer is free to bid more than the least the seller will accept.
Everyone with me so far? Good.
So I got home at 5:00, plenty of time to place a bid on the item. But when I tried to log on, I discovered that my phones weren’t working. No dial tone. Could this be God’s way of saying, “Don’t go bidding on that, you twit!” Couldn’t say.
What I could say, by bedtime, was that my phones still weren’t working. Ditto the next morning.
When I got to work, I looked up the phone company online (something I couldn’t do from home because the phones weren’t working). Their “Troubleshooting” page gave instructions for proving that the problem is really the phone company’s and not yours. (The default assumption is: It’s your problem unless you can prove it’s the phone company’s.) I also tried calling their repair service phone number, but that just talks you through to the point where you have to prove the problem is theirs and not yours.
The way you do this is by using a “Network Interface Box” (NIB). Disconnect a phone from the jack and go to the NIB. This will be outside your home, somewhere near the electric meter. Use a screwdriver to open the box and find a phone jack inside. Plug your phone into the jack. If the problem persists, try again with another phone. (Note that you have to provide at least two separate phones to prove that the problem is theirs and not yours.) There’s also a “discretionary” note that you shouldn’t perform this test “during a storm or while standing in a puddle”.
So I drove home to look for the NIB. There I was, standing outside my building with my phone, my screwdriver, my flashlight and my instructions, looking for any kind of a box anywhere near my electric meter. It was painfully obvious that there was nothing in that little shed that even remotely resembled a NIB. I was mentally having the conversation with the repair service that I would have to schedule a day off work, probably days in the future, when a technician could come out and confirm that there is no NIB.
In the meantime, no phone, no online access, no way to send out this week’s Letter (at least from home; I figured I could save it to diskette and mail it out from work the next day). No checking my bank account balance, to make sure the bank didn’t “misplace” some of my money. No looking things up on Amazon.com. As “Jeannie” would say: “Aaaaaa!!!”
That’s when not one, but two, phone company trucks pulled up outside my building. When I asked if they were there to fix “no dial tone”, they said they weren’t, but the lead guy was quite willing to help me find the NIB. We quickly determined that there was no such NIB in place because my townhouse was built 30 years ago, back when the phone company was a complete monopoly and no one even heard of buying your phone from whoever you pleased.
The phone connection to my place turned out to be a couple of screws fastened to the back of the little shed that housed the electric meter, etc. The phone company guy just happened to mention that they were doing some work on the other side of the building the day before (i.e., before my dial tone went away). They checked something else, then came back and announced that I could return to work, my phones would be operating by the time I got home. No need to call in for a repair service.
And so, it came to pass. At least if it happens again, I can go directly past “testing the Network Interface Box” and move on to scheduling a technician.
In the meantime, the item I was interested in expired. Maybe the seller will try again soon.
And what was the item?
An antique wood-and-glass hand-held periscope, 15” long. Just what I need to see over the cubicle walls at work.
Love, as always,
Pete
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