November 15, 2000
Dear Everyone:
Well, here we are,
the country that can’t vote straight.
The People Have Spoken…
but no one seems to be able to figure out what They Said.
For years, San Francisco columnist
Art Hoppe wrote
satirical articles about how his preferred candidate was “Nobody”.
Numerous letters to the editor commenting on how sad it is that
Art didn’t live to see his favorite come through in the pinch.
Nobody won.
As near as I can make out, half the voters
cancelled out the other half.
(Never mind the fringe element.)
So I guess it doesn’t matter if
Al Bush or
George W. Gore ends up in the hot seat.
Either one will be lukewarm at best.
Back in the Good Old Days of “Pillage, Plunder and
Rapine, Inc.” (also known as Medieval Europe), when it came time to
elect a new pope, and no
strong candidate appeared, the cardinals would simply elect what was
known as an “Interim Pope”.
This was someone who would sit on the papal throne and do absolutely
nothing, just keeping the seat warm until a true leader would emerge.
So, when Florida finishes recounting the recounts,
and a puff of white smoke finally appears over Palm Beach county, what
we will have is an Interim President.
One whose hands will be tied by a congenitally deadlocked
Congress.
But not to worry; in just two short years, there will be a
midterm election.
And that might even prove to be interesting.
In other news…
Now that it’s all over, I can confess:
I’ve been driving illegally since my last birthday.
Not intentionally, of course.
It used to be that you dragged out your
driver’s license
every other minute in order to pay for things with a
check.
The first thing the clerk looks at is the expiration date.
But these days, with
ATM
hookups to every grocery and hardware store, you don’t need to write a
check. You just swipe the
card. Or use a credit card,
which only requires a signature.
(Although, I have had a scrupulous clerk compare the signature on
the card to the one on the credit slip and ask for ID, just to make
sure. Honestly, my
handwriting is getting to be so bad I should think about becoming a
doctor.)
So I just haven’t had occasion to look at my
license in oh, say three years.
It expired in March of this year.
Why didn’t I get a Renewal Notice in the mail?
Because I moved three years ago.
And, although I did send the
DMV
a change of address notice, it apparently was only applied to my
vehicle registration, and not to my driver’s license.
I finally noticed this when I was in
Nevada last month.
I was going to do some shopping and decided I should take my
license along with a credit card, just in case.
That’s when I realized that the license had expired in March.
Oops.
When I got home, I went to the DMV’s Web Site
(http://www.dmv.ca.gov) and looked through their FAQ (“Frequently Asked
Questions”) page. Plenty of
helpful advice on how to renew your license
before it expires.
Nothing about what to do if it has
already expired.
I finally gritted my teeth and called the DMV directly.
When I explained the situation, Operator #33 said, if I had not
been in any accidents, or received a moving violation in the last three
years, they would waive the test and renew the license as soon as I
forked over $15 and did I want to make an appointment?
Having not been in an accident, or received a
moving violation in the last 27 years, I said yes, I’d like an
appointment. The following
Tuesday, at 11:10 a.m., I showed up for my appointment, changed the
address, filled out another form and now I’m legal for another five
years. Hallelujah.
On the plus side, making sure I didn’t get in an
accident, or receive a moving violation in the interim ensured that I
was an even more careful driver than usual.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Love, as always,
Pete
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