November 14, 1996
Dear Everyone:
I have just completed the second of two classes in
Microsoft Access, and as such, am a little brain-dead here.
Teachers in these computer classes seem to fall into one of two
categories: Category One:
Follow the book in minute detail and ask me if you have any
questions. Category Two:
This book is so basic you must be bored so let me show you 2700
other things that you can do
in addition to what you’re trying to learn.
In both cases, you’re there to learn the basics, but the
instructor is an expert and has trouble sticking to “just the basics”.
And then there’s the really smart student who
already knows 90% of what’s covered.
You can always spot them because halfway through an exercise
they’ve already finished and are busy playing
solitaire.
(For the less-than-computer-literates,
Windows includes a
computer version of solitaire as a way of working on your mouse skills.)
As for myself, I fall to the left of the solitaire champions, but
significantly to the right of the people who aren’t quite sure which
page of the book they should be on.
(For the record, I only won one game.)
Also for the benefit of people who believe that
there is Life After
Computers, Access is a database software.
What’s a database? you don’t ask, fearing an answer.
A database is a big pile of information sprinkled into smaller
piles called Tables. The
object is to use these Tables (and Queries and Reports and you don’t
really want to know more) to manage the information.
As an example, let’s look at one of the most frequently consulted
databases in America: The
TV Guide.
Chicago Hope
is on CBS on Monday nights at 10:00 except when it’s on at 9:00,
depending on your time zone.
In San Francisco, CBS is on channel 5; but in
Sacramento, it’s on
channel 13, while in
Portland, it’s channel 6 (I think).
Somewhere in the TV Guide’s
database (which, by the way, probably is not Access), is a list of
subscribers along with their
Zip Codes.
Your Zip Code determines which channel you’ll be watching.
But regardless of the exact channel, they all show the same
description for a week’s episode.
This is the beauty of a database.
You enter something once and you can use it wherever you need it.
You enter a description for
Hercules, The Legendary Journeys:
“Herc goes on a blind date with
Medusa (Sandra Bernhard).”
Then you link the description to as many channels in as many
areas as carry that show.
Only in my case, I’m linking Retention Categories
to Record Series to Customer Focus Groups, which is not as much fun, but
is probably more productive.
In other news...
For the record, Mother agrees with me about those
big, road-hog trucks and SUV’s.
She got stuck with a
Jeep Cherokee as a loaner while her car was
in the shop. She’s lucky she
didn’t get killed trying to get in and out of the thing.
For myself, just once
I’d like to get stuck in a traffic jam and find myself behind something
less than a four-wheel-drive whatever.
(Actually, I’d just as soon not get stuck in traffic to begin
with, but that’s asking for the moon.)
And then there’s “Jeannie’s” deposition last week of a driver who
was so “high and proud” in his
f-w-d that he drove right over a
low-rider because he didn’t see it.
Movies...
Saw
Ransom,
with Mel Gibson and
Gary Sinise, directed by
Ron Howard.
It’s OK, if a little uneven.
Ron wanted to do a thriller, but just couldn’t quite let go of
his usual warm and fuzzies.
Both Mel and Gary have their moments, but in between there are nagging
irregularities. Like why
would the Bad Guy hatch a brilliant plan, then surround himself with
people who can barely tie their own shoe laces to carry things out for
him? How come the Rich Guy
is so decisive one minute and so unsure the next?
Because Ron wanted a dramatic scene, even if it didn’t make
sense?
As for the ending...you might want to wait for this
one to come out on video.
Love, as always,
Pete
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