April 23, 1992
Dear Everyone:
Oh, the joys of owning your own home.
Last month, it was the refrigerator.
This month:
The hot water heater.
On the day that I received my Visa bill, with the
charge for fixing the fridge, I discovered that my water heater had
sprung a leak. I discovered this
when I was walking through the hallway and my foot said, "Hey, that's
wet", which is not the way the hallway carpet should behave.
In short investigation provided the source of the
sogginess. Where the inflow pipe
goes into the heater, water was scribbling merrily out through a small
hole. Shades of downtown Chicago.
I thought, "duct tape".
(Too many years of watching
MacGyver.) I didn't have any duct
tape, but I did have electrical tape, which I wrapped around the
offending pipe fitting in hopes, not of stopping it, but of slowing it
down while I got out the "Complete Fix It Yourself Repair Manual".
The purpose of the Repair Manual is not so I can
fix these things myself, although I have been known to replace a worn
washer were two, but to explain to me what the repair man is saying when
he shows up, particularly since nearly all repair men seem to have
learned English as a second language. The
Repair Manual recommended, as an emergency measure, wrapping the leaking
pipe with electrical tape.
So far, so good.
The Fixed It Yourself Manual did not then say,
"Now, call repair man", but that's what I did.
The guy who fixed my fridge had a
strong Hispanic accent this time, the accent was either German or
Austrian. He sounded like a thin
Arnold
Schwarzenegger.
He explained that the "nipples are corroded",
which, to someone of my gender, sounds too painful to contemplate.
He also showed me where the
inflow shut-off valve was corroded as well and recommended replacing all
three. I said, "Go for it," and
snuck a peek at the balance on my Visa bill to see if I could pay for
this job with the same card.
(Moral of the Story:
Don't open your Visa bill.)
Checking that the heater tank itself was still
intact, "Arnold" asked me, "You never open the closet to shake it?"
Now, here I was, feeling guilty that I hadn't
gotten around to at least trying to anchor the tank to the wall in case
of earthquakes, and he wants me to
shake it?
Then I realized, he meant
check it. The truth is, I
check it frequently, looking at the bottom to see if the gas is on,
which means I should wait after a hot bath before running the
dishwasher. That kind of
checking.
And, in fact, I'm sure I would've noticed if the
floor of the closet was wet when I did check it.
More to the point, my bare feet
would have noticed if the carpet had been wet before this.
But I must admit, I never looked
up to see if my nipples were getting corroded.
Never entered my head.
After all, I bought the place,
lock, stock and pipe fittings, less than five years ago.
Arnold shut the main water valve off and had me
turn several faucets on full to make sure the water was off.
It was, although Arnold kept
going from the closet to the kitchen sink and back again, muttering "Is
still water coming", which I did not find encouraging.
Nevertheless, in just under an hour, with my help
(I was the one on the other side of the furnace shining a flashlight at
the pipes that Arnold was soldering), he had the pipes replaced and
turned the main valve back on. Whereupon
the kitchen faucet, which had been left on, managed to spray water
everywhere except into the sink. I've
been meaning to clean that aerator for several weeks.
Arnold guaranteed the new pipes, etc., for a year
and left with a cheerful "You should look for no more problems."
Hey!
I wasn’t looking for this one!
A wise person told me, at the time that I bought
this place, that "buying a home means getting to know your hardware
store very well." This weekend, I
guess I'll get a new aerator and replace a few worn washers.
I've been meaning to do it for
months. As for tonight, in
addition to paying my Visa bill, I'll be washing a lot of wet towels.
Everyone have a good weekend.
And, if you haven't done it in
the last five years, go shake your water heater.
Love, as always,
Pete
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