February 28, 1992
Dear Everyone:
I am finally back in my office for the first full
day since the 18th. Technically,
I was back in the office yesterday, but the morning was lost to a
monthly staff meeting and I had to leave early for a dental checkup.
(No cavities, Mom.)
In addition to the weekly IDI Planning Meetings and
monthly CITC meetings, I've been in four day-long CQI Workshops.
CQI stands for "Continuous Quality Improvement", a
sort of corporate pop-psych, self-help program.
"If we improve our quality, maybe
our dividends will go up" kind of thing.
It's one of those seminar-like things with Trainers (2) and lots
of flip-charts, colorfully drawn, which the Trainers take turns reading
out loud to you.
Each Workshop began with a "continental breakfast";
read pastries, a few bran muffins for the hopelessly health-conscious,
bottled juices and coffee. And
tea. Lipton tea bags and a coffee carafe with hot water in it.
Since the carafe had coffee in it
before, the hot water pretty much tastes like rather weak coffee.
Knowing this ahead of time, I
made provisions to bring my own tea in a thermos that is turning out to
be far more useful than I had originally expected it to be.
Each morning, we would introduce ourselves to the
group, just in case we had all forgotten who we were from the day
before. At mid-day, we would have
lunch, which was provided. And in
the afternoon, they would bring by soft drinks and a big bowl of fresh
popcorn. Each Workshop would end
with a "plus/delta".
Get used to this. "Plus/delta"
is becoming a catch-phrase, used in all sorts of ways.
Technically, a "plus" is
something you like, or something that works well.
A "delta" is not necessarily
something that is wrong, but that needs, or could use, changing.
Example: The
popcorn was a "plus". The tiny
bowls they provided to serve yourself with were a "delta".
On the second day, “Temperance”
got the bright idea to unfold a paper napkin and, using the tiny bowl,
scooped several bowlfuls of popcorn onto the napkin, folded the corners
up and took it back to her table. We
gave her a "plus" for creative innovation and followed suit.
The first day dealt with "Core Concepts".
Things like "total involvement"
and "Customer Focus". Bear in
mind that the Company paid good money for this program, not to mention
what it cost for 17 of us to be out of the office for nearly a week.
Day Two was on "Interactive Facilitation".
You know what that is, don't you?
On your report card in grade
school, it was called "citizenship", i.e., getting along with others.
If you didn't "interact"
properly, you got a low grade in citizenship.
Days Three and For ran through the "Nine-Step
Process" for improvement. I won't
bore you with the steps; just be assured that we will be nine-stepping
our way to everything we do for the rest of the year.
Each workshop required numerous "exercises".
Each table (we were at four
tables) would run through an exercise, then report to the group what we
had done and/or learned. After
each table reported, the Trainers would have us give the group at that
table a hand (applause). On the
first day, this felt pretty stupid. By
the second day, if the Trainer failed to say "let's give this group the
hand", the table would get grumpy and demand their applause.
On the third day, one of the Trainers, “Prudence”,
brought in about a dozen tennis-size "Nerf" balls.
Colorful balls made of soft foam.
The idea was that if someone got
out of line, or said something you didn't like, you could throw a "Nerf"
ball at them. The first time
“Prudence” forgot to "give this table a hand", a barrage of balls came
sailing through the air at her.
I like this idea so well that, after work on
Wednesday, I went by the toy store and picked up a dozen "Nerf’s" for
Records Management, partly because I was going to be the Facilitator
(leader) of yesterday's staff meeting. We've been known to throw
paperclips and pencils at each other in meeting; I thought these would
be better.
They work great! You
might think that the disadvantage is that after you've thrown your one
or two balls, you can't retrieve them; but that's not a problem.
Sooner or later, someone throws
one at you and then you've got your ammunition back again.
How I wish we'd had such
non-violent weapons when I was growing up.
On the "delta" side, we actually applauded
ourselves what we completed the meeting.
Ye, gods!
In other news…
“Jeannie” came over with a bottle of champagne last
Saturday and we spent the evening watching terrible movies on the VCR
and having steak and champagne. Of
course, you know that the reason they put smoke alarms in houses is so
you'll know when the steaks are done (or the bathroom is free).
Smoke (or steam) sets off the
alarm.
If there is no real fire, you can shut up the alarm
by waving a magazine or towel at it, thus dispersing the smoke/steam
particles that set it off.
So, when the steaks were just about done and the
smoke alarm went off, “Jeannie” grabbed the nearest magazine and waved
it vigorously… At the doorbell chime. Bit
of a "delta" there.
Love, as always,
Pete
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