July 20, 1990
Dear Everyone:
We’re being reorganized.
Which is to say:
They’ve done a study and recommended that forms and records management
be combined under one manager (to be named later).
This recommendation has not been accepted and implemented yet,
which means that it’s officially unofficial until further notice.
However, yesterday afternoon a guy that “Alma”
knows called and dropped some broad hints about who this new manager
would be and “Alma” got all excited, thinking it was someone she knows
(and would like to have as her boss).
Then the guy called back and said that it was all “unofficial”
and he really didn’t mean it.
Evidently, he was pulling her leg and was horrified when it came
off in his hand.
Then she got a call from someone over at 225
“Beelzebub” that we were to appear for a meeting with our manager,
“Chris”, this morning.
“Alma” put 2 and 2 together and came up with 5.
This would be the announcement of the new manager, possibly
“Chris”. So we all trooped
over to “Chris’s” this morning to find out that the meeting was to
announce that the Star Quality Program (employee suggestions) was one
year old and there will be a “party” next week to celebrate.
I missed all the excitement late yesterday because
I had to leave early for a dental appointment.
Just a checkup, no cavities, but the new hygienist is a stickler
for good gums. So this
morning’s meeting was a surprise for me.
The other reason for the meeting:
To vote on whether or not to make all Fridays “casual” days.
Some months ago, “Chris” “suggested” that we “dress
down” on the first and third Friday of each month, to see how we liked
it. The idea was that if
you’re comfortably dressed, you tend to be more productive.
Everyone liked the dressing casual part; it was keeping track of
which Fridays were formal and which were casual that gave people
conniptions. My supposition
that the hidden agenda in all this was to find out which employees could
count as high as 3 and figure out which week was which met with the
usual derision. At any rate,
several people suggested to “Chris” that he make every Friday a casual
day and this morning’s meeting was held so we could vote on it.
Casual Fridays passed.
There were no “no” votes.
This presents a significant increase in production as far as I’m
concerned. It cuts my
ironing chores by about 20% since I have only 4 blouses to iron instead
of 5 each weekend.
As for the forms study that set all this off:
Company has thousands of forms.
There is a formal form for just about anything you want done in
this company. In fact,
people talk in forms: “Send
me a GO-144-C on that.”
“You’ll need an OB-210 for this.”
Once, when “Jeannie” was taking a deposition from a
“Compoid”, she told him, quite firmly:
“You must spell out
each acronym and then say what it stands for.”
The “Compoid” readily agreed, remarking that his own wife makes
him explain acronyms, although she didn’t require that he spell them
out.
This forms study is but one in a long line of such
studies. I can remember back
in the mid-‘70’s when they did a complete overhaul of all forms,
consolidating many and abolishing outdated ones.
They made it a rule that if you wanted a new form, you had to go
through an obstacle course to prove that an existing form couldn’t do
the job just as well as the new one and that more than just one
department would use the new form.
Many applied, few were chosen.
So what did people do?
Right. They went
outside the company and had a vendor print up “non-forms” at
considerably more than it would have cost the company to do it in-house.
I know this because (don’t tell anyone) I’ve done it myself.
I needed a request form that would only be used in CUSA EL&P
“Willoughby Files”
and any existing forms didn’t have all the places for information that I
wanted. In the long run, it
did save the company money, since it saved time in filling requests.
Anyway, this latest study found that Company has
6500 “official” forms, which is a considerable improvement.
The last study concluded that the company was using 10,000 forms.
(Go ahead, I dare you.
Try to think up 100
things that could be made more cost-effective by making up a form for
them. Not 10,000, just 100.
I know I can’t. But
this company is just stuffed with people who can.)
In other news…
“Alma” and “Melanie” are still “unofficially” going
to London. They leave
tomorrow.
They put a “Please do not feed the ducks” sign
right in front of “Jeannie’s” apartment building.
I pointed out to her that it doesn’t quote any civil ordinances,
so it’s not actually against the law, and gave her a loaf and a half of
stale bread for recycling.
Movie review of the week:
Ghost.
Great entertainment.
Whoopi Goldberg
is terrific as a medium who doesn’t want to be a medium.
Patrick
Swayze and Demi
(pronounce de-MEE, I found out) Moore are also fine.
Pete
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