December 1, 1988
Dear Everyone:
A short glossary of terms commonly used in Company (we have our own language, you see):
“IDHS” Integrated Document Handling System. This is “Ashley Holtz’s” pet project. But, since we’re called upon to “interface” with him from time to time, it’s my project too; so I have a section for it in my Projects. Basically, it’s a computerized indexing system for Subject / Correspondence Files and Reports.
The idea is to make IDHS so generic that anyone anywhere in the Company can use it to keep track of their files. It is hoped that this will bring some consistency to Company operations and cut down on how many times we re-invent the wheel, file-wise.
IDHS uses a data management system called “BASIS”, which Company bought from a company called “Bawtelle”. “BASIS “was chosen over another data management system called “INQUIRE” (which we already had) on the basis [no pun intended] of not what it CAN do, but what “Bawtelle” THINKS it will do in the very near future, based on their projected enhancements. This is called being at the leading edge of technology. It’s also known as buying a pig in a poke. We shall see.
“BIS” Box Inventory System. This is the computerized system for keeping track of all the boxes in the Records Centers. Originally developed for “Livermore”, it has been expanded to include “Dallas” and “Hobby”. It is currently being upgraded to “Worldwide”; and “Murray” and “Rowena” are in the throes of testing the new system before it is installed. When we do go to Worldwide and include London, we’re going to have to re-define the term “overnight”. Additions and corrections are made on the system during the day, and the computer processes them at night when it’s cheaper (90% less per computer-minute) and no one is on the system.
Comproid Someone who worked for Company before the infamous Company/That Other Company Merger of 19--.
CORP Company Corporation. The Company that owns all those other companies. People who work for CORP, aka the Home Office, aka Downtown San Francisco, as opposed to anywhere else, are considered to be socially superior to anyone working anywhere else. (They’re wrong.)
CRMIS (Pronounced kri-mis) Company Records Management Information System. This is the overall system that contains BIS, SCHED and (if it ever gets off the ground) IDHS.
CUSA (Pronounced kusa) Company USA, Inc. This is the largest Company-owned company. CUSA has departments larger than some Third World countries. CUSA people far outnumber CORP people; and they know it.
EPIC Employees Participating In Company. Human Resources’ latest gimmick. All I know is it has something to do with computers (what doesn’t these days?) and is supposed to give people the warm fuzzies as far as the Company is concerned.
Otherite One of “those people” who worked for “that company” prior to the infamous merger. They are, of course, distressingly ungrateful for the way “we” rescued them from an unfriendly takeover, look down their noses at doing things the Company Way and are GENERALLY RUINING the Company.
MAP Minimum Acceptable Performance. This is the incentive plan that Company uses to encourage people to work hard in a new job. When you go into a new job, you start at the lowest salary level, which makes sense to me. Each job has a MAP period, during which you are expected to achieve a minimum acceptable performance level: You should be doing this well after this amount of time. If, after this amount of time, you are doing less than this well, it was really nice knowing you and don’t slam the door on your way out.
If, however, you are doing at least this well, or better, you automatically get a raise, called a MAP raise. Different jobs have different MAP periods. For instance, an O-6 mail clerk is allowed 3 months to reach MAP. A 4B Records Management Analyst (Associate) gets 14 months. It’s been 14 months since I started here and I’m due for a MAP raise.
However, “Alma” argued with “Sager” who went to argue with his boss that someone who is doing far BETTER than the minimum acceptable performance should get more of an incentive, which is why, effective today, I will be paid $1400 more per year than I was yesterday. Yesterday being pay day, I’ll have to wait until the 15th to find out how much I’ll be getting in real money.
RCCS Records Center Control System. This is what “that other Company” used to keep track of boxes before the merger. It was what BIS is now.
Records Center. Any place where boxes of records are archived. Usually, but not necessarily, this is a warehouse. In “Beaumont”, it’s a room over the wash house.
RMMS Record Master Management System. “That Other Company”. RMMS was to RCCS what SCHED is to BIS.
SCHED (pronounced sked) Records Retention Schedule. I don’t know how this one missed getting some cute acronym. I guess the Vice-President in charge of silly names was out to lunch that day. This is a system for identifying organizations (called orgs) and the types of records they keep. Helping people to develop their retention schedules is actually what we do the most. “That Other Company” had retention schedules. Company didn’t. Actually, Company was making some tentative moves towards setting some kind of consistent policy regarding records retention, but floundering at it, just before the merger. When the study team compared what each company had been doing, it chose the existing “That Other Company” system over the non-existing Company one.
Eventually, when everyone has a schedule, it will tell them how long to keep records in the office and how long in the Records Center. This will protect the Company from the Ollie North Syndrome as well as Rip Van Winkle boxes. It beats expecting some $9000 per year file clerk to make policy decisions that could affect millions of dollars.
In other news…
The weather here continues fair, cool and very dry. Which means lots of static electricity and hand lotion.
Everybody pray for rain and lots of snow in the mountains.
Love, as always,
Pete
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