May 21, 2021
Dear Everyone:
A few months ago, I received a notice in the
mail that the company that managed one of my credit cards was moving to
a New-and-Improved system.
In the meantime, I could continue to use my existing card, but I
discovered that I could no longer log into the online system to pay my
bill. A new card was on its
way. In the meantime, just
pay your bill with a check.
I kept a close watch on the mail.
I have received other people’s mail and I know for an absolute
fact that my mail has occasionally been delivered to other addresses.
One day last year, a man approached me just as I was leaving the
house, to deliver the registration for my car to me.
(Bless him!)
I finally received the new credit card last
week. This meant that I
would once again be able to access information and pay my monthly bill
electronically instead of having to actually write out and mail a check.
I immediately set about activating the card and
went online to set up yet another login ID (Number 156) and password,
and supply answers to no less than three (3!) “Secret Questions”.
I first encountered the Secret Question, or
Security Question (SQ), way back when I was using AOL (America Online).
The system offered me the opportunity to create my own Secret
Question and Answer as an added layer of security for my account.
I created a Question to which almost no one
would be able to guess the correct answer.
Question:
Who murdered the two Princes in the Tower of London?
This had the advantage of being a “Trick Question”.
Most people, including a friend who got a degree in History from
UC Berkeley, would say, “Richard III”.
Answer:
Henry (as in Henry Tudor, later King Henry VII of England.)
It’s a very long story but take my word for it:
Henry was guilty as sin.
It worked very well for me.
However, AOL soon discovered that there was a problem:
Not everyone could remember what their Secret Question was, sort
of like remembering the punchline, but not the set up to an old joke.
So the Security Guys came up with “standard”
SQs.
A favorite question was:
What is your favorite movie?
A person at work pointed out the problem with
this one. He knew his
favorite move, all right. It
was Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the
Bomb.
First problem:
The title was too long.
Second Problem: The
answer had to be case sensitive.
Did he remember to capitalize each word?
What about conjunctions (and, or, to…)
Did he abbreviate “doctor”, or spell it out, with or without
capitalization? Was there a
period at the end of “Dr”?
Any one of these could trip you up.
Then I overheard a couple of IT guys talking
about the SQ and one said, “It’s simple.
You choose one Answer and use it for every question.”
That certainly sounded easy.
Doesn’t matter what the question is, the answer is:
“henry”.
What was the name of your first pet?
Answer: henry.
What was the name of your High School mascot?
Answer: henry.
What was the name of the street you grew up on?
Answer: henry.
But then, of course, the Security people caught
on and set up the System to disallow using the same answer more than
once. Sigh.
Most of them used the same old “standard”
questions.
But this new credit card company had some very
different questions.
Examples:
What was the name of your First Grade teacher?
Um, Sister Something-or-Other.
What was your favorite restaurant in college?
Are you kidding?!!! I
was an Impoverished College Student!
I couldn’t even afford to eat at McDonalds!
What was your maternal grandmother’s first
name? None of your business.
And not what I always thought it was.
What was your grandfather’s childhood nickname?
Not your childhood nickname, your grandfather’s.
I’m guessing it wasn’t, “Grampa”.
Of course, they’re just trying to keep their
system more secure. And all
those reports of credit systems being breached by foreign criminals
probably justify some of these measures.
In the meantime, I added the new Login ID and
Password to my database. I
also added the 3 Questions and their Answers.
Just in case.
Seriously.
Pop Quiz! What was
your First Grade Teacher’s name?
When “Jeannie” came home from her first day at
school, our parents asked her what her new teacher’s name was.
Her reply, “Mrs. Bumper”.
Turned out it was “Mrs. Phender”.
Love, as always,
Pete
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