June 19, 2020
Dear Everyone:
A few months ago, round about the time that this whole Coronavirus Mess
was getting started, I kept hearing a faint beeping noise.
Not all the time, just every once in a while.
And only for a minute or so.
When other people happened to be around, I asked them if they could hear
a beeping sound, but they all said that they didn’t hear it.
And by that time, it had stopped.
And then it would start again, briefly, some other time.
Finally, one day when everything was silent, when I could actually hear
the living room clock ticking, when even the refrigerator was quiet, the
beeping started again. This
time I realized it was coming from somewhere to the left.
I turned. And the beeping
was still coming from the left.
I turned again. And
again, the beeping moved to the left.
Finally, I realized that it actually was coming from my
left. Specifically, from the
left side of my chest.
It was the device that had been implanted in my chest following the
infamous heart attack back in 2010.
The same device that my cardiologist checked each and every time
that I came into his office.
And, each time, he would observe that the battery was good for another
five years. Until it was
good for another four years.
Then three years. And so on.
Late last year, he indicated that the battery was only good for
another six months, at which time we would need to consider replacing
it.
Once I realized what was causing the beeping, I was able to determine
that the device would go off quietly for about a minute once every six
hours. At 8:44 am, 2:44, pm,
8:44 pm and 2:44 am. It even
woke me up in the wee small hours one morning.
This was eerily similar to the ceiling smoke detector that has a battery
in need of changing. The
smoke detector would start beeping, loudly, until you either replaced
the dying battery, or just ripped the battery out, with a “promise” to
replace it the next time you were in the hardware store or whatever.
I contacted my cardiologist’s office to notify them of the device’s
warning message, and they said to come in soon.
While I was there, they had a special technician come in and
wirelessly instruct the device to stop beeping.
Message received and understood.
The beeping stopped.
And I had a meeting with a cardiologic surgeon who would replace the old
device with a newer, smaller version.
The actual procedure took place last Friday, with “Jeannie” to chauffer
me to and from the local hospital; and everything went as smooth as
glass. They never even put
me to sleep, although they did administer a “mild sedative”, which was
why I needed someone else to do the driving.
The surgery was scheduled for 1:00 that afternoon.
So, of course, I was expected to arrive promptly at 11:00 am.
That barely left enough time for flocks of support personnel to
flutter in and out of the preparation-and-recovery room to take blood,
prep the surgery site and so on.
There was even a technician, who wirelessly instructed the device to not
interpret the sudden absence of a heartbeat to mean something had caused
the heart to stop. Normally,
the device would send an electrical pulse to restart the heart.
Needless to say, the last thing you want to have happen to the
person holding a scalpel in one hand, and the leads to the heart in the
other, is to suddenly get zapped.
Nor did that happen.
Although I did feel, and hear, the “plop!” when the device vacated its
assigned position. Then the
new device slipped into place and everything was as it should be.
As near as I can tell, surgeons no longer use stitches, or even
“staples” to hold incisions together.
Now they use some kind of medical-grade super-glue.
It’s just a matter of resisting the temptation to pull some of it
off as it comes loose.
Before I left, the nurse instructed me to avoid taking baths or showers
for the first 48 hours so as not to get the bandage wet.
After that, I could remove the bandage and allow the substance
over the incision to fall off on its own.
More importantly, I could (finally!) take a shower and shampoo my
hair.
I saw the cardiologic surgeon this morning.
He agreed that the incision was healing beautifully.
And he admitted that he couldn’t resist pulling away some of the
loose “glue”.
More importantly, the new device is working satisfactorily and I can
dispense with the previous monitor that sits on a shelf, plugged into
the phone system, and periodically reporting to the “mother ship” that,
while my heart appears to have stopped, my weight and blood pressure
continue to report as normal.
I no longer have to take my blood pressure every morning.
Think of all the time that will save!
(If you don’t think it takes much time, try fitting a cuff over
your left arm, one-handed.
Trust me, it’s not easy.)
The new device is supposed to remain operational for the next twelve
years. As for the old
device. After cleaning and
placing it in a “Hazardous Material” plastic bag, the hospital included
it with all the other stuff they gave me to take home.
I’m not sure exactly when I first heard it, but soon there was
that faint beeping noise again.
By Saturday night, I realized that it was the device, faithfully
reporting that something was wrong as it could not detect a heartbeat.
Every six hours for a minute each time.
Technically, it is an electrical device and should be recycled.
But I couldn’t stand hearing that beeping every six hours.
And I couldn’t quite see the recycle center accepting it,
“Hazardous Material” label and all.
I double-wrapped it and disposed of it with the household
garbage.
Love, as always,
Pete
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