July 5, 2019
Dear Everyone:
Some years ago, “Jeannie” was taking a doctor’s deposition for whatever
reason. The doctor giving
testimony had something of an accent that affected how he pronounced
certain words. He kept
referring to “bologna surgery”.
“Jeannie” wasn’t sure what he meant by that.
Certainly we’d heard of “meatball surgery”, a term popularized by the TV
series “MASH”, meaning the kind of “do it now, fix it later” medical
treatment meant to handle many, many battlefield cases as quickly as
possible. But we had never
heard of “bologna surgery” before.
Apparently neither had the lawyer taking the doctor’s testimony.
Finally, he asked for an explanation.
Somewhat exasperated, the doctor told the lawyer:
“When you amputate part of the leg below the knee.
Below knee surgery.”
Well, of course.
Moving right along…
A few weeks ago, I decided to try a new crochet pattern for a toy owl.
It was easy enough to manage, although I had some reservations
about the author’s intent when making the owl’s little wings.
In any case, I had nearly all the pieces completed last Tuesday
when I arrived at the Martinez Senior Center for our weekly “Crafts
Workshop”.
This consisted of any number of “regulars” sitting around a table,
working on knitting, embroidery, crochet, etc. projects, while the
Quilters dominated the room with their loud machines humming along.
Add to that, a group of seniors who would suddenly decide to
follow each other in single file around the room, up and down the lobby
and back again for much needed exercise.
In other words, a kind of controlled chaos.
At this point, I was stitching Mr. Owl’s legs onto his body.
It was only when I finished the second leg that I realized I had
made a major mistake. Mr.
Owl has a wide head atop a body generally shaped like an upside down ice
cream cone.
Unfortunately, because I wasn’t paying enough attention, the legs were
now perpendicular to the placement of the head which going was more
horizontally sort of side-to-side.
I decided to undo the legs and try again.
It was fairly simple to remove the stitching on the first leg, since I
hadn’t quite finished it.
But the second leg was more challenging.
The stitching was done in the same yarn as the actual crocheted
piece; and I didn’t want to risk pulling and/or cutting the wrong bit of
yarn as that could ruin everything.
Meanwhile, people were chatting loudly all around me.
And the sewing machines were all drumming away, sounding a lot
like a locomotive train not too far in the distance.
And the group getting their exercise were trouncing by,
occasionally bumping into chairs (“Excuse me!”) on their way.
It was all a bit much to deal with.
I decided to perform a case of “bologna surgery”.
I ruthlessly cut Mr. Owl’s other leg off “at the knee”.
After that, it was fairly easy to yank out all the stuffing and
see where the unfinished leg could be unraveled away to a pile of kinky
yarn.
Before anyone gets too upset, it took me all of ten minutes to crochet a
replacement leg, since I still had plenty of yarn and the instructions
on hand. After that, I
decided to wait until I was in the relative piece of my own living room
to finish assembling Mr. Owl.
There’s no rush since the Senior Center takes a break during the
summer months regarding holding any sales of its donated projects.
In the meantime, I found another book of crocheted animals including
what looks like an adorable frog.
I may tackle that one next.
Stay tuned…
Love, as always,
Pete
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