June 2, 2017
Dear Everyone:
I went to the movies a few weeks ago with “Phoebe”, my fellow
HOA Board
Member. She was quite happy
to go even though she had already seen the film three times.
It was
Going In
Style, a “remake” of an
earlier
effort from 1979.
This version stars three
Academy Award
winning actors, Alan
Arkin (Little
Miss Sunshine),
Michael Caine
(Hannah
and her Sisters,
The
Cider House Rules) and
Morgan Freeman
(Million
Dollar Baby). It
also has Matt Dillon,
Christopher
Lloyd and
Ann-Margaret.
With that much talent on the hoof, the producers and writers wisely
avoided the obvious jokes concerning
impotence
and
incontinence. Instead,
this is a gentle rendition of a
caper movie in
which the three protagonists decide to rob a bank.
But first, they need a reason to rob the bank.
Because they are good men at heart, it can’t be simply because
they’re bored with retirement, the reason supplied in the first version.
Instead, they discover that the company that they worked for
their entire adult lives, and honorably retired from, has been acquired
by another company that decides to just pocket the
pension plan and
intends to use the bank to transfer all the funds.
And with that, it’s off to the races, so to speak.
They use Rat
Pack masks as disguises.
Why? Because there were no
black actors in
The Three
Stooges; and because all the Dead Presidents were white.
Instead they wear
Frank Sinatra,
Dean Martin and
Sammy Davis, Jr.
masks, forsaking
Joey Bishop and
Peter Lawford.
Of course, they are complete amateurs, so a rather sweet “dry run” takes
place, after which they get some “pointers” from various “helpful”
characters. Plus an
ingenious scheme using the
Knights of
Columbus to establish unbreakable
alibis.
In all a perfectly pleasant way to spend an afternoon enjoying popcorn
in the dark.
Now for those of you who are howling about the new company planning on
jettisoning the pension plan and what a certain
Federal
Trade Commission would have to say about that, relax.
This is just typical
Hollywood sloppiness.
These are the same people who have been telling people for decades that
you can kill a vampire
simply by stabbing it through the heart with a wooden stick.
Despite seven years of Buffy, the
Vampire Slayer wielding “Mr. Pointy”, anyone who knows anything
about vampires knows that driving a piece of wood, no matter how sharp,
through what’s left of its heart will not kill it.
But I think I can guarantee that you will annoy it.
And having an annoyed vampire on your back can be quite
uncomfortable.
The original idea was that someone would track the vampire to its grave,
where it would rest during the daylight hours.
Then the person would dig up the grave and, having supplied
themselves with the aforementioned wooden stake, drive it through the
vampire’s heart and into the grave itself.
This does not kill the vampire, only uses the natural spirit that
still exists in the wood to pin the vampire into the grave, preventing
it from rising at sunset.
In theory, this gives the person time to find a more effective way to
destroy the vampire, while preventing it from attacking any more
victims.
Confidentially, the only way to be certain of killing a vampire is to
cut off its head, then burn the body completely.
Personally, I would use two fires, one for the body and a
separate one for the head.
Just in case. Because those
vampires can be tricky little beasties.
Hollywood notwithstanding.
Love, as always,
Pete
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