March 28, 2014
Dear Everyone:
It all started a few months ago, when I agreed to join the board of my
Homeowners Association. It’s
a great way to find out what’s going on in your neighborhood.
One of the things I found out about is a tug-of-war that’s been
going on with a particular car parked on the Association’s premises.
I don’t know what make and model the car is, just that it’s white and
some kind of sports car and the owner parks it in various uncovered, or
“free,” parking spaces. Each
unit is assigned a carport that belongs to that unit.
But life being what it is, some people have more than one car.
And there are always visitors of one species or another, so there
are a lot of open spaces for parking.
Some of that parking, like the spaces directly in front of my
building, was originally used by the Sales Office when the units were
being sold. Now it’s just
available, first-come-first-served.
But no one is allowed to “store” a car in any space for more than a few
days. The (former)
Association President, “Maggie”, told me about the car in question.
Specifically, the car had no
license plates.
Actually, it only has a space for a plate on the back end of the
car. Which may explain why
the owner always backs it into parking spaces.
And typically covers it up with a cloth car cover.
The Rules and Regulations firmly state that a “derelict” car is
not allowed on the premises.
And one “definition” of a derelict car is one whose plates are expired.
In this case, missing counts as expired.
So “Maggie” had “Mannie”, the guy in charge of maintenance around here,
tag the car. If it hasn’t
moved in about 72 hours, it can be towed.
And, sure enough, the owner of the car, “Freddie”, would move the
car and the whole dance would start again.
Then “Maggie” informed me that she had found out that “Freddie”
is not a resident. He
neither owns, nor rents, any of the units here.
He just has friends who let him “hang out” with them.
And this has been going on for months now, in part because “Maggie”
didn’t want to take on the responsibility of calling the towing service
to have the car (let’s call it “The White Belch”) taken away.
But then “Maggie” sold her place and moved on.
And I decide last Monday that enough was enough.
So I called the towing service and had them send out a truck.
The minute the truck showed up, “Freddie”, who doesn’t appear to be
impeded by any kind of a job, arrived, registration in hand to show the
tow driver. The driver
called his office and they decide, since “Freddie” had proof that the
car was his, (“just doesn’t have plates right now”) that they would not
tow The White Belch away.
However, the driver did pull out a long wire-sort-of-tool to help
“Freddie” break open his own car.
It seems the car door can only be unlocked from the inside.
Bummer. In time, the
driver gave up, while “Freddie” called his girlfriend to come help him
open the car door.
All this while, I had been watching from inside the Association office,
where “Freddie” couldn’t see me.
Then I moved back to my own place.
I could watch from the bedroom window, but anyone on the street
could also see me there.
So I went into the bathroom.
This has a small window, required by law, to vent steam from the shower.
It also has a screen, to keep bugs out.
This screen means someone outside, unless they’re standing right
outside the window, can’t see directly in.
And there I stood, between the toilet and the tub, watching
“Freddie” and “Freddie’s” Girlfriend (“FG” for short) try to open
“Freddie’s” car.
“Freddie” pulled on the window of the driver’s side door, while “FG”
snaked her slender arm in through the opening, trying to unlock the
door. Did I mention “FG” did
this while lying on top of the car?
In time I got tired of this and went back into the living room
where I could sit comfortably and watch TV.
On occasion, I went back to the bathroom to check on “Freddie’s”
progress.
One of “Freddie’s” many friends had joined the festivities, offering
helpful suggestions. One of
these seemed to consist it smacking the car door repeatedly with
“Freddie’s” booted foot.
Maybe they thought it would “jar” the locking mechanism loose.
The next time I looked, the door was open.
The window was broken, but I didn’t see it happen, so I don’t
know if it was because “Freddie” pulled too hard on it, or if he kicked
it in. In any case, “FG” was
scooping broken glass out of the driver’s seat and dropping it on the
pavement.
Ultimately, “Freddie” and “FG” decided that this was enough effort for
one day. They placed a car
cover over The White Belch, with the broken window, and drove off in
“FG’s” pickup truck.
The next day, Tuesday, I kept an eye on things, but The White Belch
didn’t move all day. Then
Wednesday morning, it was gone.
That’s when I realized that “Freddie” had been waiting until dark
to move the car. This
lessened his chances of getting pulled over for driving a car without
plates. I’m assuming that
Tuesday was spent finding yet another friend who would let “Freddie”
store his car on their private property, since parking it on city
streets was out of the question.
All well and good. The whole
point was to not have an illegal car parked on Association property.
Wherever “Freddie” found to hide The White Belch was fine with
us.
This morning, I glanced out the window to see if it was raining or not,
and there was The White Belch, parked right out in front.
And “Freddie’s” pride and joy was sporting a shiny new license
plate. The driver’s side
window was still broken, but the car had a valid plate.
It was only some hours later that I happened to look a little more
closely at the plate and realized that it was only good through March,
2014. That’s right, by next
Tuesday, The White Belch would have expired plates and here we go again.
Then I thought, “Wait a minute.
Since when does the DMV issue plates that expire in less than a
week?”
Uh-oh. Could it be that
“Freddie” got that plate from some other car?
Pretty sure that’s not exactly legal, even if one of “Freddie’s”
myriad of friends “loaned” it to him.
In the meantime, “Freddie” had covered the car up again.
So, yes, I called the
San Ramon Police Department and reported the
car-with-the-not-exactly-kosher-license-plate.
Why? Because if we
call next week, the first question the police will ask is:
“Why didn’t you report it sooner?”
And that’s where it stands for now.
Stay tuned for further developments…
Meanwhile, why did I nickname the car’s owner, “Freddie”?
Some of you may be mature enough to remember a popular
entertainer in the 1950s through the 1960s called
Red Skelton.
He had a number of comic characters that he developed over the
years:
“Clem Kadiddlehopper” was the Country Bumpkin.
“San Fernando Red” was the ethically-challenged real estate broker from
Southern California.
“Gertrude and Heathcliff” were a couple of wise-cracking seagulls.
And the jobless hobo, or “bum”, was none other than:
“Freddie the Freeloader”.
Love, as always,
Pete
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