May 18, 2012
Dear Everyone:
Long, long ago, when we were teenagers, our parents
explained The Deal to us. The
Deal was this: You could
attend the college or
university of your choice for one year and the
parents would pay for it. After
that, you could continue at that school as long as you paid for it
yourself.
Or you could move back home, which cost relatively
little, and continue your education at
Portland State University which
also cost relatively little. With
seven children, the parents couldn't really afford much more than that.
(All of this was within reason, of course; expensive schools like
Harvard and
Yale were, naturally, out of the question.)
So, after graduating from high school I elected to
attend the University of Oregon in
Eugene. One of the deciding factors
was the fact that it was 100 miles away from home.
I spent one year at U of O,
getting the whole college student, rites of passage, living in a dorm,
etc., experience.
Then I sensibly moved back home and transferred to
Portland State. On the plus side,
PSU had a Middle East Studies Center, which provided me with a couple of
Fellowships that allowed me to study over the summers.
On the delta side, getting to and
from school each day meant taking the bus.
Every day I trudged to school with a backpack
filled with books. Remember I was
enrolled in the
Middle East Studies Center, studying
Arabic as my
foreign language. So I carried
two large dictionaries, Arabic-to-English and English-to-Arabic, with me
each day. Each afternoon I
trudged back home and thankfully sank into a chair to recuperate.
In time I would begin to notice that “Jeannie” and
“Alice” were always watching TV when I got home.
And gradually I began to pay
attention to what they were watching.
It was a daytime soap opera, but with a twist.
One of the main characters was a
vampire. It was called, Dark Shadows. Over time I got
sucked into the whole Collinsport dilemma:
Vampires, ghosts, vengeful
witches, the occasional
werewolf, etc.
What suburban family doesn't have a few unfortunate relatives?
It was as, they say, “pure camp” and over time,
developed a cult following. The
producers even tried to
revive it some years later but with little
success.
Now
Tim Burton has decided to make it into a movie.
Burton excels at dark comedy.
Unfortunately
Dark Shadows, while it was occasionally hysterically funny, did so
unintentionally.
Burton goes for the broad strokes playing up the
comic aspects of the 1970s: shag
carpeting, macramé, and
lava lamps. (I
honestly cannot recall ever seeing an actual lava lamp outside of
television and the movies.)
Johnny Depp plays the vampire,
Barnabas Collins, with his usual air of
“maybe indulged a tad bit too much in
recreational substances last
night.” Helena Bonham Carter
tries her hand at an American accent as the less-than-lucky
Julia.
And Michelle Pfeiffer gets to prove that actresses over forty
really can still act.
They leave behind the romantic elements that made
the series as successful as it was. The
lovelorn (and reluctant) vampire pining for his beloved
Josette,
blissfully oblivious to the fact that Julia is in love with
him.
The romantic allure of the 18th
century, a simpler time then the complicated 70s.
Of course television cannot
re-create the stench of whale-oil lamps and the complete lack of indoor
plumbing.
Nevertheless Burton hits the high points.
If you enjoyed the original,
you'll get a kick out of this newest reincarnation.
If you never saw the original,
relax and just enjoy the ride.
Love, as always,
Pete
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