April 1, 2004
Dear Everyone:
Even though it is now April, I understand that “March
Madness” continues into next week.
I further understand that “March Madness” refers to
college
basketball. I don’t
pretend to know much about the
game itself, but I
do remember many happy hours spent playing a form of basketball around
the house when we were growing up in
In the summer, we would play basketball in the
driveway. The traditional
hoop was mounted over the garage doors.
At the summer solstice, the sun would not set until nearly
In winter, it was a different story.
Everyone knows that it rains copiously in western
For one thing, there was no basket, or hoop, mounted anywhere inside the house. It was necessary to improvise. Typically, one of us would climb up on top of the old jukebox (the one that played 78 rpm records), lean out and form a ring with their arms. Typically, that would be me. Improvisation at an early age.
I may point out that this did not mean that the others were having all the fun. Have you ever played basketball with a partisan basket? If your shot was a little off-center, the basket might lean a little in your favor. On the other hand, you might set up the perfect shot, only to have the basket suddenly retreat and ask, “What happened to the last cupcake that was in the kitchen?”
Of course, I also played more traditional basketball during PE (“Physical Education”) in high school. In those games, I got a lot of free throws. I was one of the few girls who actually paid attention while the teacher was explaining the rules. Particularly the one that said if a member of the other team was between you and the basket, you weren’t allowed to just push them out of the way. That was considered a foul and the other team member would get a free throw.
I quickly discovered that, if I got three to five feet ahead of the girl with the ball, between her and the basket, and just stood still, she would invariably run right into me. That was a foul and I would get a free throw. (I was 4’ 10” at the time. How else was I going to get my hands on the ball?) Think about it: Are you going to pass the ball to “Penny’s Petite” or “Shelly’s Tall Girl”?
There’d be Shelly, barreling down the court, eye on the goal and, “What the heck did I just trip over?” And there I’d be, on the floor. “I get a free throw.” At first, I’m not sure they even saw me. Plus, not paying attention when the rules were explained. But over time, they started to catch on. I think they may have been warning each other. (“Watch out for that speed bump over there. She’s tricky.”)
But for a while there, I was the Queen of Free Throws. Not that I racked up any points or anything. Did I say anything about the ball getting within two feet of the rim? 4’ 10”. Add to that, the hand-eye coordination of a pineapple.
But they were free throws! The operative word here is free. It’s just like all those free bags at the cosmetic counters. Spend $25.00 and we’ll give you a free bag with our logo on it. They’re free! I have an entire closet devoted to free bags with cosmetic logos on them. They’re free!
And if you’re asking yourself: So this is basketball as it relates to shopping?
Everything relates to shopping. You should know that by now.
Love, as always,
Pete
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