June 13, 2001
Dear Everyone:
Herein lies the Saga of the Quest for the Singing Lobsters:
It seems the company has an Emergency Response Team, several, in fact. Some members of these teams are there because it’s their job. Some were “volunteered” by someone. And some are actual volunteers, who devote part of their time to supporting the efforts of the Emergency Response Team(s).
There are incentives to volunteer. You might come away from a drill with a nifty jacket, or bag, or coffee mug. It’s a chance to get away from the office for a bit.
“Elaine”, in our office, is a part-time volunteer for the Emergency Response Team that works with the U.S. Coast Guard, and other companies, to practice responding to an offshore spill. She got to practice drills at the “Martinez” factory and in Eureka, on the coast of northern California. She might even have had an opportunity to go to Venezuela if she hadn’t broken her elbow just when she did.
Most recently, there have been two drills going on, one in Alaska and one in Newfoundland. Since “Elaine” has been handling all the arrangements, flights, hotel reservations, etc., she would know who would be going to Alaska and when. Three of the company team members wanted to take some vacation time after the drill to do some fishing in Alaska. (Did I mention there were incentives? Free airfare to and from Alaska and some time for fishing would qualify. Not to mention the backpacks that converted into large tote bags.)
So when “Elaine” spotted the three Singing Bass in a shop, naturally she snapped them up on the spot. There followed a conspiracy among certain Team members and the hotel staff in Alaska to arrange for the Singing Fish to be set up in the rooms of the three fisher-persons so that they (the Bass) would start singing as soon as the hapless victims walked into their rooms.
This mild practical joke apparently went over so well that there are rumors of retaliation-in-the-making. In the meantime, the next drill is scheduled for the last week of this month, in St. Johns, Newfoundland. Newfoundland is not noted for bass fishing. It is more associated with lobster fishing (trapping?).
Hence the Quest for the Singing Lobsters. Reports of Singing Lobster sightings. Calls to stores to find out if they a) stock Singing Lobsters; and b) still have any on the shelf. A store was found in San Leandro, only 13 miles from “Livermore”. Today, at lunch time, “Elaine” and I drove to San Leandro, turned the wrong way on Washington Avenue (my unique ability to get lost in any situation apparently extends to the vehicle, even if I’m not driving), turned around and found the store.
Then we found the Singing Lobsters. Lots of them. They sing “Do Wadda Diddy”, or something like that, plus “Rock the Boat”. We put a small dent in the store’s supply. Then, (bonus!!!) found Singing Great White Sharks (two) that play either the theme from the movie, Jaws, or “Mack the Knife”. (Still plenty of Singing Bass on the market, by the way, in case anyone is interested.)
The Singing Aquatic Creatures are currently in a locker until “Elaine” figures out how to get them to Newfoundland. I suggested that she check into customs requirements. You never know. Canada might have a ban on Singing Crustaceans.
In other news…
“Jeannie” picked last weekend’s movie: Moulin Rouge. Afterwards, she remarked, “This move is going to lose so much money!” Too true. If I had to describe it in one word, it would be: Frenetic. The director, who did so well with Strictly Ballroom, reportedly wanted to reinvent the Musical. He should have left well enough alone. Set in turn of the Century Paris, with hot and cold running Bohemians, the music is often jarringly out of place (“Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend”? “The Sound of Music”?). Even though I’ve never seen Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”, I’m sure she did a better job than those two men romping around the set.
The only one who manages to stay above this nonsense is Ewan McGregor, who seems almost to have accidentally wandered onto the wrong sound stage and doesn’t realize it. Nicole Kidman does try and can sing (and so can McGregor!), but the plot and composition are just too awful to save with only two recognizable stars.
In fact, “Jeannie” says next time I should pick the movie. Just in time for Lara Croft, Tomb Robber.
Love, as always,
Pete
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