January 3, 2001
Dear Everyone:
First Letter of the New Millenium and last one to
go out before the
Postal Rate hike (First Class postage goes up to 34¢), which begins
on January 7th, which, coincidentally, lands on a Sunday,
when the Post Office is closed so we can’t all throw rocks at them.
Time was when I went through postage stamps like
butter on a hot day. I used
at least 14 stamps every week, not including bills.
At that rate, I needed a new roll of stamps (100/roll) about
every seven weeks. So I
would typically order two rolls at a time, using
Stamps By Mail
(a great invention). These
days, only five of the Weekly Letters required postage stamps, thanks
mostly to email.
In 1990, in his book
PowerShift,
Alvin Toffler, a futurist, predicted that “the people who don’t have
computers will be forced to get them by the people who do” (or words to
that effect). Email was a
major factor in this movement.
Email is “instantaneous”, in that it reaches its destination more
quickly than “Snail
Mail”. (Of course, that
doesn’t mean the recipient actually reads it right away.
That’s a different matter.)
Email is also “cheaper”, although $0.33 x 14 copies
x 4 weeks equals $18.48 (per month) as opposed to $21.95 for
AOL.
Paradoxically, email is one reason the rate for First Class
Postage is going up. The
cost has to be spread out over fewer users.
On the other hand, AOL provides much more than just email (just
watch their advertisements), including being able to order lots of great
things online.
Paradoxically, the additional shipping caused by all that online
ordering accounts for why the mail is slower overall than it used to be,
which is why it’s not my fault that the package I sent to “Frankie’s”
place the Tuesday before
Christmas didn’t arrive until the Thursday
after Christmas.
So more people are using email because it’s faster
and cheaper and I just wasn’t paying attention and that’s why I have
nearly 200 33¢ stamps and will need to buy around 200 1¢ stamps to make
up the difference. (Note to
self: Stop buying so many
stamps all at once. Pace
yourself.)
At least we don’t have to lick them anymore.
Moving on…
Guess who got the infamous
Circulating
Stocking Stuffer this (last) year?
I did!!! I can’t even
remember if I’ve ever been honored with the infamous Circulating
Stocking Stuffer before.
Maybe back when “Jeannie” and I were still living together and would
have had joint custody.
For those of you who joined us after the opening
credits, here’s the story behind the Circulating Stocking Stuffer (or
CSS, for short):
Many, many years ago, “Jeannie” and I were in some
shop in San
Francisco and found what might qualify as one of the tackiest
souvenirs we’d ever seen.
This ceramic object d’art depicts the
Transamerica
Pyramid building along with a traditional
cable car and the words “San Francisco” across the base.
It is decidedly not to scale.
In fact, the cable car (I don’t recall ever seeing a
pink-and-green cable car anywhere in the City) is roughly one-half the
size of the Pyramid building (end-to-end), which would make for one
really BIG cable car.
Added to this, someone had the brilliant idea to
glue a cheap (is there any other kind?) plastic
thermometer to
the outside of the Pyramid building.
It was this addition that made “Jeannie” and me feel compelled to
buy one of these treasures.
We took it home, placed it in a box, wrapped it for
Christmas and
placed it under the
tree with a
tag reading, “To Mother, from ‘Richard’ and ‘Marshall’”.
“Richard” and “Marshall” vehemently denied any
knowledge of our actions.
Mother accepted the gift with love and promptly pronounced it a
“Circulating Stocking Stuffer”.
The object of the CSS is to present it to another member of the
immediate family (in-laws are generally horrified enough to not want to
participate, although I think “Frankie’s” husband, “Larry”, got “stung”
once) in such a way as to preclude the recipient’s suspicion that they
might be on the receiving end of the CSS, until it’s too late, of
course.
This (last) year, “Alice” stung me pretty good.
For one thing, I had no idea who was currently in possession of
the CSS (usually your first clue), and therefore would not know to be
suspicious of a gift coming from someone who had not gotten my name in
the traditional Name Ceremony.
Also, “Alice” even went so far as to put it into a stocking (not
a necessity) in a
Godiva
chocolate box, just like the ones in all the other stockings (except
the kids).
Even when “Alice” kept insisting that “Aunt Pete
has to open her stocking”, I didn’t get the clue.
It was only when I noticed that the other Godiva chocolate boxes
were still wrapped in plastic, and mine wasn’t (“Alice” did a great job
of getting the ornate ribbon back in place), that I began to suspect.
And by then, of course, it was too late.
So I’m custodian of the infamous CSS until next
(this) year’s Christmas. I’m
already plotting who to send it to and how.
And remember, I’m the one who picks the Names for Christmas
(unless someone else wants to take over).
Love, as always,
Pete
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