September 30, 1999
Dear Everyone:
The last day of the last month of the next-to-the
last quarter of the last year of the century, unless you’re one of those
purists who insist that the 21st Century won’t begin for
another year. Time flies
when you don’t keep a gun to its head.
You know those inserts that come in the mail with
your bills? The ones that
try to get you to impulsively order a 57-piece socket wrench set, just
in case you ever need one?
Well, a couple of months ago, I was doing the bills and happened to see
one of these inserts. It was
in my xxx bill.
Ironically, this means that it more or less started
out in the building where I work.
You see, “Credit Card Exploitation”, the part of Company that
handles billing for xxx purchased with a credit card, makes a little
money on the side by including these inserts with the bill.
It’s not Company trying to sell you the 57-piece socket wrench
set, or the duvet cover, they’re just passing the advertising along for
the merchant. And, by the
way, you can use your credit card to buy the whatever.
I learned about all this when there was a glitch in
the warehouse reporting system and a bunch of this merchandise
advertising started showing up in reports of actual supplies and forms
that were stocked in the warehouse.
I asked someone, “You mean we have duvet covers out there in the
warehouse? Do we carry
full/queen sizes? Do they
have little red, white and blue Company hallmark logos on them?”
That’s when someone explained that it was the
advertisement inserts, not the actual duvet cover, that was stored in
the warehouse. When “Credit
Card” knew which inserts would be going into the next set of bills, they
would order boxes and boxes of the inserts from the warehouse.
So, a couple of months ago, I was doing my bills,
including the bill for xxx, and here was this insert for an
alarm clock/radio
that instantly knows what the time and date are as soon as you plug the
thing into an electrical outlet.
It also knows when
Daylight Saving time begins and ends and resets the time
accordingly. If there is a
power outage, there is a long-life battery backup.
When the power comes back on, the clock automatically resets
itself to the correct time.
My first thought was:
“Jeannie” needs one of these.
My second thought was:
I want one, too. If
it only means one less time piece to reset twice each year, it could be
worth it. Besides, my
existing clock/radio was beginning to get a little slow on the uptake
when you wanted to reset the alarm times, such as for weekends as
opposed to Monday-Friday.
And, as they weren’t too expensive, I filled out the little form and
ordered two. Allow 4-6 weeks
for delivery.
This afternoon, “Howard” deposited two boxes on my
desk.
“What the hell are those?”
I demanded, being in the middle of something else.
“Don’t know,” was the reply.
“But they have your name on them.”
When I took an actual look at them, I realized that
the six weeks from when I’d ordered the two clocks were up and they had
arrived just in time. Took
them home, opened one up, plugged it in, identified Pacific Time
Zone…and in seconds it was displaying the correct date, time and day of
the week. And, barring power
outages, it’s guaranteed to continue doing just that for another 96
years, by which time, I won’t care what time it is.
Also on the home appliances front…
I have almost completed eating everything left in
the freezer. All that’s left
are one serving of homemade spaghetti sauce, some fish sticks and a
couple of Lean
Cuisine’s that I had picked up in a moment of weakness some time
ago.
And “Jeannie” came down last Sunday and helped me
move the “old” microwave out of the way (and ultimately up to her place)
and install the new microwave.
The new one’s bells-and-whistles include preprogrammed buttons
for heating a cup of water for instant coffee, tea or hot cocoa, or
re-heating a partially consumed cup of heretofore hot beverage.
Want popcorn? Put in
a standard size bag of microwave popcorn, press Popcorn and Start and
the oven knows exactly what to do.
Of course, I won’t be able to try too many of the
other magic buttons until after the new refrigerator is delivered and I
have a chance to build up the freezer stock again.
One step at a time.
Love, as always,
Pete
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