August 14, 1996
Dear Everyone:
As a general rule,
“Jeannie” doesn’t rent videos from
Blockbuster.
She prefers a place a little closer to home called Bradley
Videos. I believe this is
also a chain, but the managers seem to have a lot of leeway.
This particular manager likes to set aside tapes based on a
“theme”. An example:
“All John Wayne
movies, 99¢ this week only.”
Or it could be, “all World War II action films with the letter ‘K’
somewhere in the title.”
Anything goes, which is apparently part of the charm.
So “Jeannie” rented
five tapes (five?!!!) a few weeks ago, based on whatever cockamamie theme
the manager had decided on this time, and took them home.
Popped the first tape into the
VCR which dutifully swallowed it and promptly died.
(Talk about a bad review.)
“Jeannie” took the machine to the VCR hospital where it was
pronounced DOA. Cost to even
look at the possibility of reviving the VCR:
$80. “Jeannie” called
Bradley Video. Cost to never
return the tape: $20.
Guess who won.
Actually, the VCR
hospital did eventually find someone who could perform CPR on the VCR
long enough to get it to spit out the tape.
Then the VCR went to VCR heaven.
So what happens next?
You got it. “Jeannie” starts
calling me with requests to tape shows for her because she doesn’t have
a VCR. Problem:
She can’t watch the shows I’m taping because she doesn’t have a
VCR.
Finally, last
Saturday, we went VCR hunting and managed to find one that approximately
matched her specifications (all the bells and whistles for about $1.95).
It even has VCR
Plus+, which is a program for people who can’t figure out how to
program their VCR’s.
Problem: You have to program
the VCR Plus+ in order for it to work.
Clearly, a system designed by and for programmers.
We set up the new
VCR Saturday afternoon. My
job was to read the Owner’s Manual and install the VCR.
“Jeannie’s” job was to keep “Big White Kitty” out of my lap while
I tried to make sense of the directions.
Since programming the VCR Plus+ part required a copy of the cable
company’s conversion chart; and since “Jeannie” would never think to
keep such a thing around, nor would she know where to look for it if she
did keep it; and since I knew exactly where my (two) copies were, we
decided to let that part wait until Sunday.
I set up the channels and time and went home.
When I got home and
looked at the clock, I realized that I had inadvertently set “Jeannie’s”
new VCR to the wrong time. I
had mistaken 4:56 for 5:56.
However, God rectified this minor error by wiping out the electrical
supply to most of the Western States, “Jeannie’s” place and mine
included, for at least 3-4 hours.
(Yes, that Saturday.)
Next day, I went
back to “Jeannie’s” where she kept “Big White Kitty” out of my way and I
programmed VCR Plus+. The
system has a conversion chart where you identify the correct channel
setting for your area.
Example: In Concord, if you
want to watch (or tape) Channel 36, you enter 06.
If you want Channel 54, you enter 10.
(Any questions so far?)
Where it gets tricky
is, how do you tell VCR Plus+ what channel number to use for
HBO, or
American
Movie Classics, or
TNT?
Easy, the programming geniuses at VCR Plus+ arbitrarily assigned
channel numbers to these “named” channels.
For instance, the
USA Network (home
of some of the worst made-for-TV movies in the world) is on Channel 44.
You just tell it to use channel number 34 instead.
Problem: In the Bay
Area, we already have a Channel 44 and it’s not USA.
What now?
Good thing I’m a
Systems Analyst. Through a
combination of applied logic and blind luck, we entered the VCR Plus+
code for a program that was showing on Channel 44.
Found out VCR Plus+ thinks Channel 44 should be using channel
number 16. So it was a
simple matter to change 16 to 12 and...why are your eyes glazing over
like that?
Bottom line:
“Jeannie” is all set at least until the next major blackout,
which could happen any time now.
Also last Saturday,
we had a chance to attend a doll show and teddy bear jamboree at the
Alameda County Fairgrounds in
Pleasanton.
We all know how fond “Jeannie” is of
teddy bears.
However, in view of the crippling heat wave (which coincidentally
caused the power outage), the prospect of plodding through temperatures
in the 90’s+ while looking at small furry things wasn’t particularly
appealing. We went to the
movies instead.
Chain Reaction.
“Jeannie” swears that this movie is based on a short story that
was published around the time of the Energy Crisis in the mid 1970’s;
however, the screen writers either never read it or felt it didn’t
deserve credit. Some
scientists are working on creating abundant, clean energy out of plain
water if they can just find the missing key that will make it all work.
Keanu Reeves
plays the machinist, assigned to assist the scientists, who stumbles on
the missing piece and voilà.
Suddenly people are
showing up dead, there’s a really keen explosion and everybody, plus the
cops, are chasing our hero and the pretty young physicist.
As a physicist, she has a higher social status than the lowly
machinist, but her real job is to hold hands and run like hell.
Morgan
Freeman is the only one required to do any actual acting, and he
holds up his end quite well.
Chain Reaction
was directed by the same guy who did
The
Fugitive a couple of years ago.
That time he staged a spectacular train wreck.
Can’t do the same thing twice, so this time he blows up about 30
square blocks of Chicago.
Other than that, this is pretty much the same film, minus
Harrison Ford,
Tommy Lee Jones
and a halfway-believable plot.
Never mind.
Most of the action takes place in Chicago in the winter and I
must say, all that snow looked really inviting on a hot summer day.
If you just want to sit in an air-conditioned theater and eat
popcorn for a couple of hours, this is as good an excuse as any.
Love, as always,
Pete
| Previous | Next |