May 28, 1993
Dear Everyone:
Believe it or not, I've been racking my brains lately, trying to think
how I can spend $200. You
wouldn't think this would be a problem, would you?
The $200 comes from an "R&A", a Recognition and Award that I got about a
month or so ago. The reasons for
the R&A is some work that “Miranda” and I did last year.
“Miranda” also got an R&A, but
she seems to have had no difficulty deciding what to do with hers.
I think I heard contact lenses
mentioned.
The work that we did had to do with the boxes that are stored in the
“Livermore” and “Hobby” Records Centers.
Each box must have an Owner Code which in turn, must be based on
a valid Pep Code. If the Pep
Code that and Owner Code is based on becomes deleted, the storage
charges for that Owner Code’s boxes can't be charged to the Pep Code
because it simply isn't there anymore. Instead,
the charges go into an Error File, where they sit until I can find a new
Pep Code to redirect them to.
We run into this problem all the time. People
change jobs and the last thing on their minds is boxes in the Records
Center. Company sold a whole
company (“Company References Co.”), lock, stock and barrel; but do
you think the new owners also got the dusty old boxes?
Think again!
Last year a Vice President retired, leaving a couple dozen boxes behind.
Think he or anyone else on the
Executive Floor is worried about his Owner Code?
Nope.
So the charges keep landing in the Error File.
This means that the Records
Centers don't get their money. In
addition, there is a rule that says you
have to get those charges out
of the Error File before the end of the year or they can't be "served"
against another Pep Code. The
“bean counting” people came up with that rule to avoid getting charges
that could be years old and having to try to balance the books.
One way to solve this problem is
to find new Pep Codes for the charges before the year ends.
Another way is to simply charge
the storage costs back to the Records Center.
Because the Records Center receives both the charge and the credit, the
costs are effectively canceled out. However,
this method of "cooking the books" can cause certain people in the
“Authentication Department” to look at you
very strangely.
So, there we were, nearing the end of the year and there's some $45,000
worth of charges sitting in the Error File.
Well, something had to be done,
so we came up with a way of getting people to tell us which Pep Codes to
use, by the simple expedient of telling them, "unless we hear otherwise,
we’re going to use this one"
(based on our best guesstimate).
Once we had valid Codes to use, “Miranda” worked on getting the Owner
Codes changed, while I cleared out the Error File.
The Records Centers were suddenly
a lot richer and the two of us had each paid off something near half our
yearly salary in a matter of days. “Sally”
and “Ken” figured that this deserves some Recognition and an Award.
Hence the "Non-Cash Award of $200", plus a certificate and a marble
paper clip holder (complete with bronze logo and little gold paper
clips). Now, at first, a $200
"non-cash award" probably sounds like an "unclear on the concept".
But think about it.
If the Company just
gives you $200, you don't get
$200. You get what's left after
Uncle Sam takes his cut. However,
with a "non-cash" award, you get to
buy whatever you want, get a
receipt, turn in an expense account report; and the Company reimburses
you the full amount.
So, now, I have to figure out what to spend $200 on.
“Jeannie's” immediate solution: "ME!"
Well, maybe some, but not all. And
it certainly shouldn't go to
pay for insurance premiums.
Not that I have to spend it all in one place.
I can just keep adding up the
charge slips until they reach the magic number.
I'm thinking books (I usually
stay out of bookstores because I want to buy far more than I should).
I'm thinking tickets to
Phantom of the Opera. I'm
thinking Prime Rib Dinners.
After all, I already have a marble paper clip holder.
Love, as always,
Pete
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