May 31, 1991
Dear Everyone:
The future is not what it used to be.
(Poster seen at the PC Conference.)
I never knew I knew so much about computers. In
fact, I was so certain that I didn't know much (anything) about
computers that, before going to last week's PC Coordinators Conference,
I insisted on getting a “general” book on computers so I could bone up
on the beasties. I dragged
“Jeannie” from one bookstore to the next, asking for a book on
computers.
“IBM or Macintosh?” they'd ask.
“Not so specific,” I'd reply.
Finally, a guy in the back of one store pointed me
toward a tiny section called “General Computers”.
There I found a book for the
computer illiterate, one that assumes that you don't know a macro from a
mouse. I knew I'd found the right
one when I read the definition for Hardware:
“These are the parts that break
when you drop them.”
I spent most of that weekend reading the
First Book of Personal Computing
which is when I discovered that I really did know a lot about PC’s.
It's just that I've been picking
up various pieces without quite knowing how they fit together to form
the Big Picture.
For instance, I already knew what software is:
The programs that make the
computer do what you think you wanted to do.
Phantomware: Software
that hasn't been written yet, but the company would like you to buy into
it anyway. Also known as a Pig in
a Poke.
Liveware: You. Or
any other dolt who sits down in front of a PC and tries to communicate
with it.
So I was feeling pretty comfortable when I headed
off to the Conference Monday morning. I
got to Registration early, having had experience on both sides of the
registration table in the past, and went through the usual
“can't-find-you-in-the-computer” snafu (doesn't bode well for a computer
conference) and still had time for breakfast while I went through the
Registration Goodie Bag (you
always get a goodie bag at registration; it's in all the by-laws).
The Goodie Bag contained a very heavy book on
computers, a “disk valet” (rather like a Velcro type wallet, only with
pockets to hold up to a dozen disks), the Conference Program With Notes
and a yo-yo (donated by Xerox).
This was just the beginning.
By the end of the Conference, I'd
accumulated 15 pounds of books, brochures, demo disks, pamphlets, notes,
handouts and assorted other freebies. This
is not counting the (X) pounds
I gave gained from all that free food.
Each morning, each room where a session was being held would have
a table with coffee, decaf, assorted fruit juices, roles, donuts, fresh
fruit and the inevitable bran muffins for the Hopelessly Health
Conscious.
Notice that there was no provision made for Tea
Drinkers. No problem:
We Tea Drinkers are a resourceful
group. I kept a little box with
tea, stirrers, Equal and a timer in my book bag.
I also provided my own mug since
the Styrofoam cups always ran out before the coffee drinkers did.
All I needed was hot water in
each building has a dispenser on each floor.
In the afternoon, they would replace the coffee
with soft drinks and add brownies and cookies to the fresh fruit that
was always left over from the morning. Nevertheless,
just to be on the safe side, the guy who did the WordPerfect Forum also
brought a big box of M&Ms.
I spent Monday morning learning about
Paradox, a database management
software (I know what that means!) That
I already have on my PC but never have the time to get started.
Monday afternoon, they had a
special time when only the registered conference attendees were allowed
into the Expo (although I didn't see anyone checking ID’s).
The Expo was a large conference room packed to the
gills with software and hardware vendors just itching to sell you
something. I sort of percolated
through the crowd, grabbing interesting-looking brochures, pamphlets,
etc., and dropping my business cards into various fishbowls and such.
I actually won a couple of
drawings, getting a free blank VCR tape and a collection of computer
graphic clip art. I also got a
key ring and another yo-yo.
Tuesday: more classes, more vendors, more yo-yos.
Wednesday, they put us all (700 PC Coordinators
showed up for this shindig) in a ballroom at the Marriott where we
listened to speeches all day. One
speaker, the new president of a company computer company, gave us, word
for word, his annual stockholders meeting speech.
He sounded just like “Freddy
Johnson”, CEO of Company, talking about the “challenges ahead”.
(Ever notice they never talk
about the challenges behind?)
By Thursday, I was getting pretty conferenced out;
but it was either that or go back to work.
Besides, Thursday posted a
presentation by Russ Walker, the author of the 2 pound book that was in
the Goodie Bag. Russ, aka. “Russy Poo”, aka. the Computer Wizard (which
would certainly explain his costume, including the witch's hat), is an
old hand at computers (he has 14 in his home) and he had some very sage
advice: Don't let computers
fritter away your time. Why spend
16 hours figuring out how to do something on the PC when you could do it
with a pencil and paper in 2?
A very good point. When
you work with computers all day, you start to think that only a computer
can do things for you. Once “Ken
White” and I were working on a project together.
He started feeding information
into a PC in order to “sort” it. I
pointed out to him that he didn't need to be “sorted”.
“Ken” just told me it would be
extremely simple to do once he finished putting the data into the PC.
So I went ahead and did my work with a copy of the
raw data. By the time “Ken” had
his “sorted” information, I was a day ahead of him.
Friday didn't have much to offer, so I spent most
of the day in the Learning Center playing with the Macintosh.
To use a Macintosh, you need to
know how to do three things: Point.
Click.
Drag.
Considering that we all learn how to point and drag
before we learned to walk, I figured it wouldn't take me long to learn
how to Click. It didn't.
I considered cutting out early
and going to a movie, but I figured “Jeannie” wouldn't be too happy if I
went to see
Backdraft without her.
So we went on Saturday.
It has three great fires, three
good-looking guys, too good-looking gals and one god-awful script.
Love, as always,
Pete
PS “Ashley”
says I brought some really neat and useful stuff back from the
conference. Of course, he hasn't
seen my impressive collection of yo-yos.
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